Sunday, May 09, 2010

What do you want from me?

This past Friday, First Friday, brought us to the 5-6am time slot for the Nocturnal Adoration Society First Friday Adoration. Next month we'll have the 6-7am time and then we'll begin again at the 10-11pm and rotate through. This week gave me two hours of Adoration, my usual 5-6pm at our parish and the First Friday at All Saints. I needed them both. On Thursday I asked Our Lord if it would be OK if I did some writing during my time with Him, and of course He said fine (in not so many words). It took me twenty minutes to compose a small speech for our K of C Wives/Priests/Religious/Widows Appreciation Dinner we had Sat. night. One of our Friars always sits before the Blessed Sacrament to compose his Homily, so I figured if it was good for him, I should give it a try. The words just flowed from my mind to the paper. The rest of the time was spent in silence, the silence of Him with me. Most Hours are spent me pleading to Him for guidance, What do you want from me, Lord? or asking help with a personal problem or who knows what. This time, just breathtaking silence. I have a lot of questions right now inside of me concerning a direction I'm seeking, but I never asked about that. And after the second Adoration Hour early yesterday morning I know that He has heard my inner plea and will reveal His way for me in good time. I am not in charge, He is in charge. I must learn on a physical and mental level to give my everything over to God. Not only to give it over to Him but to believe and trust, totally. I know all this on an intellectual level but to let it all go is still a struggle for me. But although issues occur in my life that are disquieting, He is at work in me, molding me, it's almost like I can feel it. I think the more I give myself to Him the more He uses me, if only for me to see more clearly. And the things I've been given to see, I can't even begin to write about them, I'm still trying to figure it all out. Needless to say, I'm beginning to be pulled more and more closer to the Traditional Latin Mass and the world of reverence that spins around it. I'll just pray and listen, and see where this leads me.

1 comment:

Daily Grace said...

"the more I give myself to Him the more He uses me, if only for me to see more clearly."

To see more clearly is such a gift. To see Him in daily action and deed, to see Him in the one standing in front of me. To see with His eyes, His heart, His mercy.

Isn't that what Francis was called to do? To build up the church, the very body of Christ was his call.

Lord, what do you want from me? I want you see me more clearly in the world around you seems to be your answer for now. It is a beautiful answer, a necessary answer.

To those who seek find; to those that knock, the door is open.

You know, I thought of you and H while I was at mass yesterday. I went to a different church in my city, in the hope of sharing more time with my mom & dad. The church was so busy and loud that it was hard to concentrate, and I longed for more quiet, tradition and reverence. I understand your pull in that direction.

Peace, DG