Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Before I get too far with anything, I must thank the Lord. I don't know of any good way to say it, and saying it really means nothing. I can only thank the Lord by putting on that suit of armor that is Christ, and bring him with me everywhere I go, to help me with every thought I think and with everyone I meet. I forget, His love I drive from my immediate thought sometimes so easily, and I become a whining boy, (yes, a whining boy!) feeling sorry for myself when all around me wonderful things are happening, beautiful Christ-filled people are making the world move, keeping it spinning in place instead of flying off, and I'm a whining boy. Thank you, Lord for the three eye-opening moments these last few days, first with H, then with a pancake and finally with words from the Gospel, written by St. Paul and uttered by a priest. Thank you for planting my feet firmly here on the ground with my eyes turned heavenward, remembering the Cross.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

This day started rough. At times my body feels worn out, stiff as heck, especially getting out of bed. Ouch! I asked and He complied. So that complaint is written once and never more.
I haven't talked with C yet, only to say good night after she got home at 10:30 last night. I heard she was a bit rough with the Rabbi but I'm sure he can take it. C is a deep one, and I think she has the room inside of her to let all ideas, be they spiritual or secular, have a home. I know her fairly well, and I know she thinks about things she hears, tossing them around inside. She'll think about the visit with the Rabbi.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Thinking of You, Lord, no matter what

I sometimes feel that I'm looking for answers where their are none, or, that that answer hasn't been revealed yet, or something. This especially happens when I'm stressed, when the work day is not right or my daylong prayer is broken and fractured, and time goes by and then I realize, Hey, what have I been doing? Nothing good, it seems. Ignoring our Lord, that's what I've been doing. Those times can make a day seem useless, not really useless, but the day can seem that way.


That was two days ago, and now it's the Feast of the Annunciation of Our Lord, and things look and feel a lot better. Dark funk clouds get a hold of me at times, it's like if I stray just a little bit to either side the dark funk swallows me up. Not a good thing, I'm not complaining about it, it just happens. I figure The Lord has a purpose for it, so I just let it go. I do wish I could hide when it happens though, everyone notices and that's what I hate the most. (Well not hate, really. Too strong a word.) I just silently praise the Lord for all he has given me, the glorious and the grey.

H and C are on their way to see the Rabbi, a wonderful old Rabbi who goes by that name, who holds mini spiritual retreats every Wednesday for basically non-Jews. H normally has to shuttle people to and fro from these events, but C only had a 1/2 day of school which lead to her going with H. Not without complaints, but she went. I sent her a text message saying to forget about yourself for two hours and enjoy the company of God.

She didn't text back, which means she's thinking about it.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Try as I might, after this most recent 'event' at work, after my heartfelt and sincere apology to the person I offended, I'm still feeling a cold lump of uneasyness in my chest. Since then this person, even though she said she accepted my apology she really hasn't, and has since refused to speak to me or have any interaction with me unless I initiate the conversation. And even then it is one word answers, dripping with hate. She cannot get passed the forgiveness stage, and maybe I shouldn't even be forgiven but I feel that I'm stuck in a place with no firm ground. I know I must move forward but I really don't want to leave this person behind. I felt that, a long time ago the Blessed Virgin Mother asked me to look after her, do whatever she asked of me, and I have. But my skin is not thick, and she can be, in my opinion, mean at times. I get no closer to an answer through prayer, I just seem to dance around the issue but get no closer.

Maybe this is as close as I can get.

St. Francis, walk with me today, be at my side and help me be humble, more humble than I've ever been.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Thoughts on Lent...

With the focus on, for me, the different aspects of Lent (fasting, prayer, penance) a quietness has settled in on me, as if the world of noise and distraction has been turned down a notch. Still, little things pull me away from God, and I find I'm constantly hammering at myself for for stumbling. I'm not very good at work, my buttons get pushed to easily and then I find myself in a place I shouldn't be. My workplace brings out the worst in me, I realize that now. It is a challenge everyday to see the Lord Jesus before me.

I fail constantly.