Settling in.

 Well...

It has been a while since I last typed here, and I only have myself to blame. I have a hard time juggling many things at once, and distractions get in the way. Easter Sunday has come and gone, gone but not forgotten, for the warmth of His Rising is still with me. I've had too many days of something or other taking up all of my time, pushing out of reach even the things I intended to do, should do but never get to, never mind sitting and talking to you. I'm having a knee replaced come May 5th, so doctors' appointments have taken up many of my days. A discovered heart noise made it necessary to have four unforeseen heart related tests to determine if I was fit enough to go under the knife. (I am.) I trip in the Winnie to upstate NY to visit Helen's brother and wife was a wonderful getaway, especially for H. Today my final appointment, a CT scan on my bum knee to get a good look at it. Hopefully I'm done with hospital visits until the call to tell me what time to arrive on the 5th for the surgery. Until then, do my exercises and wait for Spring to arrive. Here in NH, it takes it's time to fully arrive.

I'm hoping beyond hope to settle into a better regime of preparation for this upcoming surgery. I know this will be a personal test for me, as almost all surgery is for everyone. Everyone keeps telling me there is going to be a lot of pain, and I know there will be, but I'm hoping that my many years of living with pain will help me cope better with it and keep me on the straight and narrow road to recovery at a steady and fair pace. I have feelings in me now that haven't been with me, probably never, in the way I've been, so to speak, seeking God, in now, this time of my life. 71 times around the sun, with the last two to three years watching the old body go to he--, is not very encouraging. God is always testing us prodding us, showering us with graces, all in His effort to draw us to Him and to get us to heaven. The pain, the suffering, the troubled mind that we live with is all a sign of God's love for us. I would be putting my soul in grave danger if I looked at this time in my life from only a secular angel. No, I will remain with Our Lord and with Our Mother Mary by my side, and with Helen's care I will come through this and on to a better life for us all. Please keep me in your prayers...

 

Tuesday in Passion Week.

 As I see it, even now, more than ever in my lifetime, the enemies of Christ are trying very hard to kill Him, even as they were this week in time, over 2,000 years ago. Only now the enemies are within and without, and Our Lord is not here to defend his Church. Only we are here to defend her, and we all seem to be doing a crummy job of doing it. It seems every day brings some new onslaught, a new slander even more outrageous than the day before. The truly catholic world is shrinking and slipping away before our eyes, and we, as laymen are almost powerless to stop it. And who do I think is behind most of this, you ask me? To me it couldn't be more plain but none other than our Elder Brothers, driven on still by the lord of lies. Satan wants all souls torn from Christ's grasp, but the more so the Catholic soul. And he's not called the father of lies for nothing, for that is the way the world is run, by falsehood after falsehood. It seems everyone lies, or is misrepresenting facts to be almost lies, from top to bottom. The howling of the pharisees can still be heard plainly today. Pride and jealously, the logs that fuel the fire in today's world. 

Souls in Purgatory.

 Today is the anniversary of my sister-in-law's passing, at age 66, in 2021. Every morning I pray my Rosary right after I get up, 4:30, after I feed the cat, get my coffee and fill the wood stove. That first rosary of the day is for the souls in purgatory, especially 'those souls we knew on earth, those of our family and those closest to heaven.' After a bit I remembered the date, the 23, Laurel's passing. I think of all the people I can remember on any given morning, putting their face before me in my mind's eye, but today her passing just affected me a little bit harder. Praying for the souls in purgatory. Every morning I say it so casually, just another set of words that I say that goes along with my first rosary. Today, though, thinking of my sister-in-law and how her passing so affected my wife, even to this day, made my think harder about who might still be there and the torments that they must be going through. In the dark, as I prayed, I felt the darkness of my thoughts almost overwhelm me, and the tears began to flow. I will continue to pray for the souls in purgatory, trying to give each bead to someone in need. 

Today in the Mass for today, Jona sets out for the great city of Ninive, obeying God's command to announce the message that God gave him, and had gone but a single day’s walk announcing, Forty days more and Ninive shall be destroyed, when the people of Ninive believed God; they proclaimed a fast and all of them, great and small, put on sackcloth. We as Catholics can never stop announcing the Word of God, by our mouths and by our actions. We never know when even one person will be saved.

Obedience.

 After a short break, I've returned, crooked, stiff fingers pounding away on a keyboard with no rhyme or reason. Back in High School I learned how to type the correct way, but with hands and fingers doing their own thing now, I've modified my typing style, as I'm sure many of you have. Been busy lately doing many different things, usually not planned, but necessary. Doctor appointments, some planned, some not, but all resulting in satisfactory outcomes. I've decided to replace bad knee #2, just because it hurts more than bad knee #1. During the pre-op tests (nose swap, tinkle and electrocardiogram) they discovered some staph thing going on in my nose, resulting in cream on a Q-Tip, up each nostril three times a day for five days. Okay, slightly irritating, but doable. But also, shower for five days in a row and soap up everywhere but head with special liquid soap that doesn't really suds up and feels one feeling dirtier after. Grrr... Done, but not happily. I did it, and hope this takes care of the staph. Now the electrocardiogram came back with a slight blip in the works. They did a second one and the same blip came through. The anesthesiologist didn't like the result, apparently, they want to make sure I'm not going to fly from this earth half-way through the operation, so they ordered up an echocardiogram to get a better look at the heart. Sure enough, I have what laymen call a leaky valve, or myocarditis in real language. The tech called it a medium concern case, not to worry, they don't do anything at this point unless it gets worse. No dizziness bending down? None. Shortness of breath? No. She doesn't think this will stop my knee replacement. Yay! So that's my story and I'm going to stick to it as long as I can, lol! Which is interesting, since the last few days of readings on the days of Lent have had to do with obedience, albeit Bossuet was talking about religious following legitimate orders from their superiors, I still was able to incorporate much of what I read into my life (being a third order Franciscan obligates me, anyway), in just doing what the nurses and doctors are telling me to do. God loves obedience. If we obey our religious superiors, or in my case, anyone in charge of me, I'm actually obeying God in a most wonderful way, since He has but these people in my life for my good, and His Glory. I'll continue to listen and do what I must. God is in charge. Jesus and Mary, watch over me!

Today, the raising of Lazurus, even the dead (or sleeping) obey our Lord.

The beam in thy own eye.

There are so many on-going sagas one cannot keep up. I've gotten to the point where I refuse to constantly, or even moderately keep up with them. The war in Iran, the rising price of gas and food, Rome and the Vatican in a perpetual slid downward, it's really all too much. I did listen to the interview John-Henry Weston had with Mother Miriam. She's a tough cookie, not afraid to say exactly what's on her mind. They're a good pair, John-Henry likes to speak his mind also. They both agreed that Rome should not waste their time with trying to rein in the Society of Saint Pius X, when their own house is in shambles. Both agreed that the heretics and schismatics in the sad story is Rome and the Vatican itself. "And why seest thou the mote in thy brother's eye: but the beam that is in thy own eye thou considerest not?" - [Luke 6, 41]. Many other commentators are getting behind the Society, in this one, but many who still say that the Society should capitulate and obey the Pope. To me, it's as clear as a bell, as clear as it was when these talks started years ago. The Society has never wavered in its position concerning Vat. II, (thank God!), and as for blindly just obeying the Pope, I believe they are one step away from coming out and calling Pope Leo for what he is, part of many who would rather destroy the Church of Christ than save souls within it. And to those who say not to rock the boat, and by ordaining Bishops without permission would be like throwing a grenade into the works, I say the Vatican needs more than a grenade to shake them up. I'll leave this at that. 

Today Our Lord again rebukes the scribes and pharisees for their wiles and hardness of heart, for trying to steal from the mouths of the elderly. As today as sit was then, are all the Jewish people like this? No, of course not. But the leaders of modern-day Israel most certainly seem to me to be just as power hangry as the scribes and pharisees were in Christ's time. I pray that the world's leaders come to their senses and see the Jewish nation as it is today, and where their true affinity lies. 

Repent.

 Today is First Saturday, and Helen and I decided that this was the time to make a great effort to accomplish the First Five Saturdays. Unfortunately (and fortunately) the only First Saturday Mass worth going to near us is a Novus Ordo, but the priest who presides is a good and wise man, and for us, it's a Mass we can go to. Benediction at the end of Mass, then confession after. Altar rail and communion of the tongue. This almost didn't happen, considering the sheet of very slippery ice that covered our back deck and driveway, almost preventing us from getting to the car. But we made it happen, and we stayed on our feet. 

The mass today is, of course, Luke 15:11-32, the Prodigal Son. Our Lord speaks of the love a father has for his son, in an intimate one on one way, but God's immense love for us, each and every one of us, not just as a people but me, you, the good and the bad, and his constant call to us to repent, to return to God. And just think about the sins that each and every one of us has committed, how we've turned our back on Our Lord and just went out and did bad things, vile things, but He continues to call us, call us to repent and return to the fold in order to live with Him in heaven. It's pretty much impossible to imagine that love, the how and why of it. And to think that many people don't even believe in God, His Church, His forgiveness, any of it. I am here Lord, and I'm trying hard to hear Your Words and see Your Actions in my life.

Thought • God forgives a repentant sinner faster than a mother snatches her child from the fire. - Cure' of Ars.

 

Friday of the Second Week

 I had words that flowed into my head, but it was early in the darkness of the day. The words flowed as I added wood to the stove, as I fed the cat and as I began my Rosary. My first Rosary of the day, done in darkness, I devote to the Souls in Purgatory. If I was praying this morning Rosary when I was twenty-five (which, I wasn't...) I'd probably never even think of the poor souls. But at 71 friends and loved ones have flown from this earth, and many more are hanging on for dear life. All these I think about in the darkness of the early morning, as I try to focus on the Mysteries put before me. Our lives here are fragile at best, no matter what shape one's in. And since this is the season of Lent, I at least try to focus more on trying to change my bad habits for the better. Our Lord tells us today about the vineyard and of the Jews who refused to see the light and fall into darkness. That darkness is so profound. The graces given to them by God and still they rebelled, even to this day. Who can even comprehend that? 

May 5th or 7th, I'll be having my knee replaced, if all goes well. That's another thing that is on my mind, but I've thought about it so long that the decision has become a moot point. So many friends and relatives have been going through hard times lately, this should be something that I can handle, mentally, physically and spiritually. I'm hoping so, putting all myself into the Hands of Our Lord, the Great Physician.