The Quiet Place.

The longing for a place that offers peace and solitude during a stressful time; we all long for that place sometime in our lives.  Human nature calls us to it, that longing for a quiet spot that helps us to unleash the clamor into the air, to give it up, let it rise up and let God deal with it.  A place for which to re-gather ourselves back with God, who always seems so far away in times of disquiet, times of stress.  
  Perhaps we dream (fantasize?) of a place like the one we read about or saw a picture of, a cave-type grouping of stones or a wooden hut deep in the woods, perhaps used by a saint.  Or maybe that corner in your own house that you never really found the time to arrange, that room with a view or the comfy chair. In the real world, our own real worlds, the day to day world of our lives those quiet places are hard to come by.  We go off in the morning (or whenever) to our jobs, whatever they may be, and are usually absorbed into them for the rest of the day.  Oh yes, with the occasional  time to send God a quick message ("Bless us O Lord, for these thy gifts...") but usually not much more, the work day takes over until the evening and then perhaps we can more easily lift our mind and heart to Him.  It is an uneasy life we live, knowing that we never do enough, we are always one step behind.  We read the stories of the saints and long to be like them, to speak like them, act like them, pray like them... Sometimes we forget that they were just like us, men and women of this earth, who like us strove to be more like our Master and Lord, Jesus Christ. Why them and not us?  Stupid question.  We have our lot in life, our vocation, husband, wife, religious, whatever.  God has given us the grace we need, it is up to us to use it to get to heaven.  It was the same for the saints.  Each was given grace by God and, like the servants in the parable, them, like us are to use that grace to our advantage,  Use it wisely, that is what the saints did.  We are called to do the same.  We are called to think outside the box, to think in the supernatural, in order to grow in the grace of God.  That means to not daydream of that perfect place to speak with God or to put it off until this coming Sunday or if God permits, time before the tabernacle during the week.  The time to speak to God is now, when we are sitting at our desks, or driving that truck, digging that ditch, correcting that paper or leading a country.  Take a moment to acknowledge Him, to ask our Mother for a favor or ask our Lord for His intersession.  The saints did this all the time, they practically lived in that state here on earth.  Raise your mind to God, live in the supernatural as much as you can.  Talk with our Mother and to the saints.  Plead.  They will listen.    

The Small Lesson.

It takes me about 40-45 minutes to get to work in the morning.  The drive is mostly back roads, country roads really, here in CT, and I drive slow.  I pray my second Rosary, then listen to some chant or whatever is shuffling around in my old I-pod.  Always very uneventful.  Lately though, the past few months, on and off, you might say, I've been troubled.  Many things have been happening in my life, neither good nor bad, (but I only realize that now, the good or bad part), just things, events, happenings, whatever.  I guess I've mostly looked at all of this in a negative light, but not in a real alarming way, mostly just in the vein of a big sigh and an 'Oh well...'  This way of looking at things will wear a man down and place him far from where he should be, which is in line with God.  The problem is, as fallen beings, it becomes easy to look at things that way, from a purely man-centered way.  One finds themselves in these situations and try to get themselves out, to lift themselves up but use only themselves as the way and the means.  God is not forgotten about, usually, but let's say He's put off to the side.  Our pride says 'I can handle this, just watch, just give me a minute.'   What I'm trying to say is God is in control.  Oh really, you might say, tell me something I don't know.  Which is true, nothing earth-shattering or new about that.  But do we really think about it, contemplate it or pray about it?  I don't.  I just haven't, not in the way one should.  Now this whole bit of thought came about because I put a certain situation into the hands of the Blessed Mother, saying 'I leave this to you, you know best.'  And She does, because She does God's Will.  And then the answer came and the situation was resolved, pretty much but for some reason everything lingered in my mind, not like unanswered questions but a picture put before me by perhaps our Mother, saying, 'See, this is how it is.  You pray, you ask sincerely, and if it is in your best interest, determined by God, things happen.  But you must do your part.  You must accept what God gives you, because everything comes from God, the good and the bad, praising God and thanking Him for your lot in life.'  The good and the bad.  I thought about that, my health issues, my physical woes, my being overwhelmed at times by life itself, to be thankful and rejoice in all of this because each and everything that flows to me is from Him.  Thoughts came flashing back from books, talks whatever, saying the same thing but for whatever reason these words never stuck.  Heard and forgotten.  But today was different, for some reason.  Perhaps the state of the world, the darkness that is out there that has infested almost all walks of life, has started to wear down even my optimistic attitude, perhaps this ray of light this morning pierced through that dust of satan just enough to make a difference, I don't know.  But I was able to see more clearly, for those few moments, a small bit of His Plan that made perfect sense to me.  Tonight, as I finish writing this, my mind tired and worn out from another day, the sharpness of the revelation is gone, leaving me with only a sweet memory and a lesson I hopefully won't soon forget.          

She lingers...

The Marian Retreat in Ridgefield is almost a week gone but the effects are still lingering.  Our Mother is a powerful intercessor, more than I ever realized, and made most interesting by learning how and why God gave her so many graces.  Mary, like Her Son, helps to draw us to Heaven by helping us stay focused.  Not an easy thing to do in this world.  A week-long silent retreat helps to get one's head back on, maybe not completely straight, but back on and looking in the proper direction.

Paths

The house is quiet, as this Lent has been quiet.  It is Saturday and again the weather does not co-operate with my plans, but, they are my plans, not the Lords.  I had hoped, as I always do, for a sunny and dry Saturday, in order for me to get my outdoor chores done.  It doesn't usually happen. Life is, it goes on around me and without me and when I'm here, home on the weekend I just try to get into the flow, so to speak.  Today, with the still foot and a half of snow pack on the ground and the rain coming down, the house is quiet.  I have puttered in the basement, gluing an old chair, donned a coat and boots for a trip around the yard, down the paths that have been cut by the snow blower.  This winter has been like that, dark, with small paths cut here and there through to let in the light.  There has been sadness this winter, on many levels and for many different reasons.  Changes in my physical self, surgery on my hands has pretty much laid me up since mid-January.  Many thanks to my wife and son who held down the fort with shoveling and snow blowing during this time.  It was not easy to just sit back and let them do it all.  Not in my nature. I try to take charge of some things, things around the house but in hindsight I'm afraid I've not given proper thanks where even that is due.  Yes, it has been a long and mostly dark winter and I've had to change course and re-evaluate where the Lord has lead me.  Even that comes into question, how much has He lead and how much have I put myself first and before Him?  In these days it is very hard at times to tell.  

  How the wind howls!  These last days of winter are cold and almost numbing to the soul.  I can't help but remember back when I was with the Secular Franciscans and after Easter we would talk about our Lent, as people do and I can remember people saying "Oh I had a great Lent!  Very spiritual!  Very moving!"  Mine was never like that, it usually, from what I can remember, was uneventful.  No revelations, no real joy.  Why was this?  I don't know.  Had I offended God, and grace was withheld?  Perhaps, but probably not.  It was more likely there was just too much me in the way, too much searching for me and not God.  Oh the patience of God, He is so incomprehensible!  Just to think that He will wait for me forever and I can't even concentrate on a Mystery for five minutes.  Gosh...  Yes for me Lent is a chore, my body rejects it even as my soul yearns for it. In confession a few weeks back I confessed to the priest that I was complaining too much about the pain in my hand from the first surgery and he said that I was blessed to have this pain now, during Lent to remind me of the nails piercing through the hands of our Lord.  Contemplate on that!  Pray about that pain!  Keep that vision front and center while you pray the Rosary!  Needless to say his words struck me deep, and I was angry with myself for not seeing that grace myself.  I wish I could say that my penance has been successful but alas, it has not, not even 50% of the time.  I am what I am, a worm and nothing more...

  Those paths through the snow, cut to keep life flowing when God's elements press in.  They press in with the physical and the mental, and also the spiritual.  If it weren't for the paths the toll would be far worse. It has been a long winter and dark, and even with the coming of Spring some darkness will remain.  The physical darkness, yes, but that will heal with time and if not, so be it.  I am not in charge of anything, that I know, although I must be reminded constantly. Friendships have been strained and darkness has filtered in where once shown only the light of joy.  True sadness there, and I must work to rectify that.  I will be honest, I don't know how these things, relationships between friends work.  I've never had one that has lasted forever-like, except with my wife.  I know there are good men out there but sometimes even good men don't see eye to eye.  It is hard, with the pulling of the world, tossing us from one tempest to another and even with Jesus in the boat he can't help us if we don't listen.  I go back to the same plea that I've offered to God before, Father, slow me down a bit so I can speak with you more often.  And if you hear me speaking sincerely, perhaps you will whisper something to me.  Perhaps a glance to my soul. And if not, so be it.  

  I started this post last Saturday and am just finishing it now, on the eve of the feast of St. Joseph.  He is the Saint and protector of so many things!  For me, I think of him most as the foster father of our Lord.  How God gave him the task of protecting the Son of God and our Holy Mother!  My confirmation name is Joseph, and right now, tonight, he is on my mind.  Help me, oh mighty saint, to be a better father, husband and protector of my family.  How to be a better Catholic man and to show charity and friendship to others.  How to put myself into the hands of our Lord Jesus and my Seraphic Father Francis, to follow the true humility shown by our Lord and practiced to the fullest by Francis.  Help me, St. Joseph to open my eyes, to heed the call and plead, to cry out to come closer to God.              

Desecration.

I just saw the video and read the article on the gigantic outdoor Mass in the Philippines and the distribution of Holy Communion.  I stopped receiving in the hand about 6 or 7 years ago, I really cannot remember.  I do not attend N.O. Masses, and lately I even try to stay away from churches that have the N.O.  I will not take the chance of stepping on even the smallest particle of our Lord.  I know all the zaniness that goes with some of these Masses but the passing of the Sacred Host from hand to hand to the back of the throng is UNACCEPTABLE!!! The Pope, the Vatican, everybody involved in this fiasco should learn a fast hard lesson and the only answer is NO MORE DISTRIBUTING OF COMMUNION AT THESE MASSES.  There is absolutely no justification that I can think of to allow this to happen. 'The people come and they want to receive our Lord.'  Just tell them that it is not possible in this setting.  We cannot have our Lord falling onto the ground and into the mud of Manila!!!!!!!!  I'm saddened to the depths of my soul for Holy Mother Church.  This really is too much.  Stupid people dancing in the aisles, loud folk/rock music, bad unintelligible sermons, etc, I try not to comment on that 'stuff'. But horrible Communion distribution, I cannot be quiet.  
   

Pray for Her, our Holy Church, and plead for intercession from Heaven.