The Franciscan Fast.

Today (the 12th) is the first day of the Franciscan Fast that my wife and I and a few of the members of our small group of Franciscans practice.  It goes from today, the day after the feast of St. Martin of Tours until midnight of Christmas Eve.  This Fast is part of the Rule of 1221 that Francis gave to the people, who wished to live a life of similar virtue and prayer to that of his Brothers (and Sisters, with Clare).  This Rule allowed the people to remain as butchers, carpenters lawyers blacksmiths, husbands and wives, etc, and still live a life of penance.  As professed Franciscans H and I are obligated to live this Rule, and thus to follow it to the letter.  This fast gives me a chance to work on a vice that is exceptionally troubling to me and to practice a virtue in order to perfect it in a way that is harder to do in my everyday life.  My day seems to start out strong but by the end of the day my faults and failings have piled up again and the thought of my offences to God usually somewhat paralyze me.  This is a good time to really focus on a virtue and a vice, and maybe abstain from something for the next 43 days.  I try to keep it simple and focused, knowing that like the day, I always start out strong but near the end you-know-who has really begun to wear me down.  And, I am a very weak vessel.  

  One of the Rules of the Third Order is only taking two meals a day.  I believe I've read it both ways; skip breakfast and have lunch and supper and to have breakfast and skip lunch.  I see it as doing what is best for oneself, as long as one observes the rule.  I've been very lax in this regard, and for the next 43 days eating in this manner will be a goal of mine (and H's).  In the end, I've found, that if one works hard at whatever he or she has decided to undertake as a means of a fast, that eventually the gift of silence will descend. The interior man becomes quieter as the days roll on towards the Birth, a Holy Silence that turns ones thoughts to Him and His Mother.  For who can leave out the Blessed Virgin at this time of the year.  


Pray for us.  

Pray for the Synod.

I will continue to pray for the Bishops and all who are attending the Synod.  My Rosary novena is over, but I still offer my first Rosary of the day for them that are there, especially our Holy Father.  As a Roman Catholic who attends only the TLM, I find this whole Synod distressing to say the least.  Many other bloggers have said much better anything I could say about the situation, so I'll not really add anything here.  Let me just say that it is with great sadness that I watch these men of God, watched over by our Pope, debate such issues that should be non-issues.  Holy Mother Church should stick to her guns, and spend more time figuring out how to catechize  the faithful better instead of letting them wander off with their 'itching ears.'  Generation after generation of Catholics do not know their faith and are lead astray so easily!  If any of you are non-traditional and are reading this, please, just begin by reading the New Testament from start to finish, a good version, a Douay-Rheims version.  Ask questions among yourselves and find a good smart priest to help you with anything you don't understand.  Jesus, the Second Person of the Holy Trinity, gave us a complete road map on how to live, and most of us never use it.  Read it, and listen to every word that Jesus says.  Holy church did a good job of interpreting those words for close to 1,950 years.  Go back to those interpretations and listen with the eyes of your soul, eyes attuned to God.  

And pray.  

http://rorate-caeli.blogspot.com/2014/06/urgent-prayer-request-fssp-priests.html



Prayers needed, please.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners...

Thoughts from a Pilgrimage...

A few thoughts on the 2014 Auriesville Pilgrimage to the Shrine of the North American Martyrs.

  I can't seem to write anything anymore, my mind just doesn't seem to want to think that way, full paragraphs seem to turn into random thoughts with no connection, but I do feel like reflecting on this event, this day of penance and prayer, this past Saturday, the Vigil of Pentecost.

Setting up camp with my wife, Helen, breaking out the equipment for the first time in 20 years.


Watching the main tent go up where the Holy Mass took place, and the men putting together the Altar.

Falling asleep Friday night listening to the sounds of the train across the river, feeling the ground slightly rumble beneath me.

Praying Lauds Saturday morning at the kneelers set up for Holy Communion then hearing the tinkle of the bell followed by Fr. G. and a server rounding the tent corner for morning Mass.

Hearing a rousing Catholic song ringing in the air before seeing the 12 or so young men pulling a rickshaw type carriage up the main road to the starting point of the march.  They had been walking for three days to get there.

Kneeling to kiss Bishop Fellay's ring, who in all honesty, just wanted to fit in.  Seeing the big smile on his face as he watched us get ready to march.

Following along to the Rosary in Latin, chanted or sung, as we marched along the Canal Path.

Feeling time slow down as I walked along, letting my thoughts center on Christ and his Passion, on the Martyrs who died up on the hill and trying quiet my rampant thoughts.

Being part of the Celebration of a Pontifical High Mass!

Praying the Litany of the Saints as we circled the Coliseum.

The rousing chants of Viva Christo Rey! to end the Litany.

I have no real worldly words to completely describe the Pilgrimage.  It was between me and the rest of the Pilgrims, and between me and the Holy Spirit.  God looking down on us and hopefully smiling, pleased that men and women, priests and religious still do penance by walking a long distance to a Holy site.  Watching the priests and religious of the SSPX,  leading by example and being good shepherds.

 To God the Father let us sing,
To God the Son, our risen King,
And equally let us adore
The Spirit, God forevermore.
Amen.

Pray for us, O Holy Mother of God...

...a reflection...

This past week my wife has been away on Retreat, so it has been only myself and my son home here.  We've had some good conversations (he's 26) but there has been long periods at night of silence.  And with the silence, if my mind isn't whirring too much from the day in the world, then reflection.  This Lent I've been trying very hard to work on my particular vices that I really need to somewhat eradicate, and I've found that in the quiet at night not only am I able to examine how I've done during the day (usually badly) but the temptations that I'm working on come at me full force during these times.  These vices have always been very sinister and silent, and I've never been able to get a handle on them for very long.  I've found myself falling into their traps day in and day out, year after year.  Most of the time I only realize that I've fallen victim after the fact.  During this Lent, though, God has given me extra strength, it seems, to hold off the initial onslaught at least, which gives me a bit of time to think about what is happening to me; namely one assault after another by the enemy.  It is as plain as day.  The reading and re-reading of Spiritual Combat has sunk in a little and the incessant homilies on good and evil by good Latin Mass priests have left their mark.  A baby step in fighting the snares of the devil.  Thank you Almighty Father for the preparation, praise to You, Lord Jesus for opening up the way and stay by my side Blessed Mother, for you are our defense here on Earth.

Third Saturday In Lent

Today, the 29th of March, is the Saturday of the Third Week of Lent, Station at St. Susanna's.  Susanna was a Roman virgin who was martyred under the Emperor Diocletian.  An account of the test of the chaste Susanna is the Epistle for today.  As Father first read it through in Latin and I read along in my Missal, and then as I heard it again in English, so many different thoughts and actions stood out like bold print on a white page.  Her husband Joakim, an honourable man from a town that was less than honourable, (Babylon), the vivid description of the evil elders who fell into lust as they perverted their own minds, one scene after another.  The multitude  believed them as being the elders and the judges of the people, and they condemned her to death.  Susanna's cry out to God, her total faith in Him.  And then God raises up Daniel, who silences the people as he speaks the truth, truth that cuts through the lies of the perverted elders.  O thou seed of Chanaan and not of Juda, beauty hath deceived thee, and lust hath perverted thy heart: thus did you do to the daughters of Israel, and they for fear conversed with you: but a daughter of Juda would not abide your wickedness.  Young Daniel the Prophet, speaking of things that only he knew?  The thread of forgiveness weaves its way through the narrative, until truth triumphs in the end and God's Justice is brought forth.  This reading, coupled with the Gospel for today, John viii. 1-11, the woman pardoned by Jesus for her crime of adultery, shows us that God's mercy is beyond our understanding, as Jesus shows us. The scribes and pharisees thought they could finally pin him down once and for all by bringing to Him a, as they saw it, an open and closed case, a women caught in the act of adultery.  First the words to the scribes and pharisees; He that is without sin, cast the first stone; then His words to her, Go, and now sin no more.  To abstain from sin and cultivate virtue.  How can I find the love that brings forth such charity, such forgiveness?  I pray to God that I have not run up to that forgiveness wall, where my charitable acts are reserved for some and not all?  thoughts for me to work on as I move through Lent.  

One last thought.

After receiving I'm usually just quiet with my own prayers of thanksgiving, but today, for some reason (I was told, I know it!) I turned to the section of the St. Andrew Missal, Thanksgiving After Mass And Holy Communion.  I opened to the Prayer of St. Thomas Aquinas, which I don't recall ever reading, but thought I must share.  This is an unbelievably moving and beautiful prayer.

  I give Thee thanks, O holy Lord, Father almighty, eternal

God, who hast vouchsafed, not for any merits of mine, but

solely out of the condescension of Thy mercy, to satisfy me

a sinner, Thine unworthy servant, with the precious Body

and Blood of Thy Son our Lord Jesus Christ.  I pray that

this holy Communion be not to me a condemnation unto

punishment, but a saving plea unto forgiveness.  May it be

unto me the armour of faith and the shield of good will.

May it be the emptying out of my vices, the extinction of all

concupiscence and lust, the increase of charity and patience, 

of humility and obedience, and of all virtues; a strong defense

against the snares of all enemies, visible and invisible; the

perfect quieting of all my evil impulses, both fleshly and 

ghostly; a firm cleaving unto Thee, the one true God; and

a pledge of a blessed destiny.  And I beseech Thee, that

Thou wouldst vouchsafe to bring me, a sinner to that inef-

fable banquet, where Thou, with Thy Son and the Holy

Ghost, art to Thy saints true light, fullness of content, eternal

joy, gladness without alloy and perfect bliss.  Through the

                                       same Christ our Lord.  Amen.

LINEN ON THE HEDGEROW: How to love that boring Latin Mass

LINEN ON THE HEDGEROW: How to love that boring Latin Mass: The link address is here..... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ezdpcm-C-Zg H/T to Joseph Shaw at LMS Chairman for his post on a young ...

Never Satisfied.

For a little more than a week now I've been sort of following a diet that my wife is on.  It's mostly at night, I, we (my son and I) eat what she eats; and it's all good, high in fiber, tasty, all that, but I never really feel full, never do I have that feeling of yeah, that was a really good meal and I am stuffed.  There is often that ( mini voice in my head speaking) Yeah, that was pretty good, but I am still hungry! but I know that this is good for me so I'll try to soldier up and move on.  "I'll have one cookie, please".  Oh well.  But the more I think about it the more I see the parallels between this trying to eat right and the spiritual life, especially my spiritual life.  At one time I was a member of a Secular Franciscan Order, and I am a professed Secular Franciscan.  I say was, because I no longer follow that way of the Franciscans.  The S.F. live the complete modern theology Catholicism, tied up completely with the Novus Ordo Mass, which we (H and I) do not attend.  How could we?  Once we discovered the Rule of 1221 and began attending the TLM our lives changed completely.  What we thought was good food for the soul was nothing but food for the man, an exhalation to ourselves.  For me, to go to Holy Mass, I almost always come away with a longing for more.  When I go to Mass and I leave I'm not completely satisfied, completely filled up as after a nice big meal.  No, Mass for me is what it is, the Sacrifice of Calvary in an un-bloodied manner, but also it serves as a sustaining event until the next Mass, and also, especially a Low Mass, can be a time of beautiful reflection and prayer.  I love especially the Low Mass during the week,  (praise God I am able to attend one!) 7:00am, before work.  A beautiful way to begin the day.  And then that time spent allows the mind, body and soul to come together in a correct way to begin the work day.  But there is always that longing, that desire for more of God, more of this holy life that I believe most of us long to live, are called to live.  In a perfect world is to be left alone, to follow the Words of Our Lord in order to achieve our final goal, Heaven.  I know this isn't happening, not to very many of us.  Our state of life leaves us no other choice but to get muddy, get dirty almost each and every day.  And that is alright, it is our duty to show ourselves to the world, to give good example.  That may be the only way we can call souls to God nowadays. The wave of this world is about to wash over us, and we, a bit like clams in their shells must hunker down and let this madness pass over us.  Our longing will sustain us, like a deep prayer that echos in our breast, our favorite one that we resort to in dark times.  The fullness of fluff that passes for a lot of Christianity today will perhaps overwhelm the world we live in for awhile, maybe even though our lifetime, but we can do nothing about that.  Strive for more, never let our hunger be satisfied, never live to say 'This is all there is in my spiritual life", never be satisfied with ourselves. The life of a Christian is a constant war against the world, the flesh and the devil.  Once we are satisfied, we have lost.  

Pray for us, O Holy Mother of God, that we may be worthy of the promises of Christ.  

The Retreat

My son and I are heading out this Sunday to a 5-day silent retreat on the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius of Loyola.  I've been looking forward to this for a long time while my son, who is twenty six,  I think has a bit of trepidation.  He's a very outgoing people person and I don't think he likes the idea of a silent retreat.  I guess it can be a bit daunting if you've never done it.  Last summer a good friend of mine and myself did a 3 day retreat of the same kind (although put on by different priests) and it went very well, it was very natural,  and we had no problem keeping quiet for three days.  That first time, I didn't know what to expect.  This time, I am looking forward to the silence. It seems no matter what I try to do here, in this state of life, I can't seem to re-arrange my life to give myself more time for silence.  The world seems to run rampant over all inner thought, leaving one almost defenseless at times to all onslaughts.  Overwhelmed, is perhaps a better word.  All in all, though, I'm trying to go into this retreat with a feeling of nothing, that is to say trying to keep my expectations down to nothing.  I desperately need  to un-focus from this world of work, sleep, work again.  Even starting the day with Holy Mass my mind can't slow down enough to escape into the silence of the Mass.  So be it.  Just read recently a beautiful piece, either in the Remnant or Catholic Family News on how to keep God before us at all times.  One part I especially liked, what resonated in me was this, and I shall paraphrase:  Do even the smallest action the best you can, and do it as though Jesus, or the Blessed Virgin or God Himself were right there doing it with you.  I had never thought of it that way, with God right there with me. It all of a sudden made all my actions seem just that much more important to do, because Our Lord is right there with me.  When I can remember to think like that the act that I do becomes that much more joyful, even the most redundant job at work.  For me, it was a small revelation, even on something that I had known from the start.  Thank you, Father, for that small gift.  

  Tomorrow I will pack.  Tonight, after this  I'll sit in the dark for awhile, try to get through a Rosary before sleeps overcomes me.  H is asleep on the couch.  I've already begun to feel the small sadness that occurs when we're apart.  Two become one.  For us, it has been an incredible journey to Heaven, a road hard and narrow but one we travel alone together.  For now, I'll let that small sadness rest quietly within me, I'll enjoy the sweet sorrow that a husband and wife have when they are parted for a time.  I know it is God, Family, Duty.  I know to love God above all things.  But for right now, this moment our love will linger, in a melancholy state of mind.

Dec. 24

December 24th, The Vigil of the Nativity, 11:30am and I'm still at work.  I said I'd leave at 12:00 noon, but I'm chaffing at the bit to be out.  I've been trying to slow my mind down since I left Holy Mass this morning, but at work, well, it's my state in life so when I'm here I have to be all here.  But now, it is time to go, to re-focus once again on the searching for shelter, for the Manger, the Birth. To not insert Christ in to Christmas but to allow everything else to flow to Him.  

Not easy in this mad world. 

From a book read by ST. Teresa of Avila

(from)

CHAPTER VII

Six Specific Blessings for Which We Should Give Thanks 

(Partial)

  The first thing for which both sinners and just men should bless the Lord is the universal, fruitful redemption he effected by sacrificing his life for our miserable one, paying in his grief over our death and captivity an enormous price for a vile thing, and shedding his precious blood to refresh earthly man and bring him to life so that we who were dead in sin could flourish in life.  He sealed our friendship with God through the kiss of false peace from Judas and was bound and taken prisoner to release Adam who had robbed and committed suicide.  H let false, lying witnesses charge him so that later he would not admit those witnesses the devil surely would set against us who have offended him in so many ways.  His holy countenance was spat upon to cleanse the face of the soul, which is made blacker than charcoal by sin, and his precious face was covered so that the veil of ignorance would be drawn from the soul and its blindness revealed to us.  He was brought before the judges so that we could appear without fear at the universal judgement.  Silent, refusing to speak, he paid for Eve's conversation with the serpent and in his divine person compensated for our evil, excessive talk.  He was stripped of his garments to strip away the old person and garb us with virtue and the attire of eternal betrothal.  He was beaten to ease the sting of justice's whip, which we truly deserve.  He was falsely honored on earth so that we might be truly honored in heaven.  He was crowned with thorns to crown us with glory.  He was made to hold a reed in his hand so the scepter of his empire would be ours.  He was crucified between thieves to free us from the infernal company we had chosen and set us in friendship with the holy angels.  -  The Third Spiritual Alphabet, Francisco Osuna

The Middle Road

This past week two comments from Pope Francis caught my eye. (I try not to pay much attention to his off the cuff comments.)  These occurred in a somewhat "official capacity".  His comments in his Homily and what was said and not said in his meeting with Giorgio Napolitano, President of the Italian Republic. I'm not going to go into it word for word, we all probably know what was said.  And how in his homily the other day he talked about the danger of being to caught up with Marian apparitions.  These and his obvious dislike for the Latin Mass have led me to this conclusion;  Our Pope (and the men who surround him) want to flat-line out the Catholic church to the point where the Church is completely inoffensive. Our Holy Fathers' comments on Medjugorje say to me that the Church wants nothing to do with any type of spiritual event that stands out or is different, or 'offensive to our Protestant brothers.'  For him, I believe, any Marion apparition fits this category.  (Notice he didn't defend, denounce or even mention Fatima or Lourdes.)  And I believe it is the same with the TLM.  Anything that takes away from the simplicity of the Novus Ordo Mass or that causes any division in a parish is not good, so, time to crush it.  No doubt about it, these are dark times for Holy Mother Church. To keep our heads in the sand and just either ignore what Pope Francis says or go along with him is to agree with what is happening to our Church.  To ignore 2,000 years of Christ's and the Church's  teaching and to just show love for neighbor and works of charity, well, anyone can do that.  All the hugging and smiles will not help the Sunday Catholics who never go to confession, don't bury their dead properly, show lack of reverence in Mass, who don't believe in Hell and probably don't even believe in Heaven.  The dumbing down of our Church so as to make it inoffensive fly in the face of Christs own words.    For I came to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. 

All because people disagree with Catholics or see us as 'righteous' or any of the denouncements used today, should mean nothing to us.  We should always take the high road, the Road to Heaven, no matter what the cost.  

  Intercede for us O Holy Mother of God, from the anger of God the Father.

Pope Francis: A reflection.

When I saw and read this image on Facebook, I asked myself; What about the Rosary?  Not any of the dozens of other questions that came to my mind afterward, but just this, what about our Mother's Rosary. I am still trying to hang on to all the positive sentiments (for lack of a better word) that as a Catholic man I should have for the Pope.  But for me, it is hard.  Not to get into the categorizing mode of 'what kind of a catholic are you,' I will say that I am, as they say, (or I say), an old school traditional Catholic.  I have been blessed to be able to go to only the Latin Mass, (Ecclesia  Dei, SSPX) except on Thursday mornings when I attend a Novus Ordo Mass with my parents.  It's nice meeting them there and going to Mass with them, something I've never done until this past spring.  In these times we must show ourselves through love and charity, and so I do what I must do.  But when I'm there I pray for our Holy Mother Church, that by some Hand of God she comes to Her senses and realizes the error filled road that she is on.  I'm sorry, but I can't help but see the situation this way.  I will not go on about Vat.II.  Enough has been said about that time in church history by men and women 100 times more gifted than me.  I am not a good apologist.  I don't go off looking for more crosses to bear by way of looking for or being argumentative.  But my inner anger was roused when week after week I read or hear of something Pope Francis has said that, to me smacks against the side of what the Church was and still is; a bastion of Truth and Strength in this modern world.  A Church that knows the difference between right and wrong, good and bad, justice and injustice.  It seems to me that Pope Francis, in his zeal to reach out to all people is leaving behind the flock that is his to tend.  Why must he leave behind all that the Church has always been, the Traditions and Dogmas that has helped the Church to be the rock that she is for over 2000 years?  We all know that the first task in this life is prayer, to praise God.  But not the prayer of words?  Then what, contemplative prayer for all mankind?  Many people are not made for that kind of prayer, many know only the Rosary, really.  Many will read this and say, what does he mean, should I give up my Rosary?  I know this line of reasoning sounds absurd but this is the following of the thread Pope Francis gives us.  


   As everyone knows lack of faith in Christ's teaching is widespread in the world.  This constitutes a double danger for men.  It is dangerous for the unbelievers themselves because they run the risk of losing God.  It is dangerous even for those who have the faith because unbelievers fight against the faith.  Believers, especially if they are not too well educated or instructed in the truths of the faith, run the risk of losing their faith in the face of the bad example, false arguments or persecutions with which unbelievers attack the faith.  (from) My Way of Life, the Summa Simplified for Everyone, 1952

  ST. Thomas saw the errors that could attack the Church even then.  Times have not changed much, only now we know we have a true Modernist for a Pope.  Modernism, liberalism, naturalism, all dangers that past Popes have warned us of, now perhaps embraced by our Holy Father in his quest for ecumenism.  I am left with only my prayers, contemplative and, if I want, chattering like a parrot.  The Holy Mass of the Ages and the Rosary of our Blessed Mother was good enough for many Saints and just good Catholics, I know these Gifts from Heaven will be good enough for me.    

  

The Pope and the President

I have no way to even begin to comment on this article.  I know our President is pro everything, but to hear him talk about life in such a haphazard is chilling.  Combining Pope Francis' remarks along with our Presidents in one article is something I thought I'd never read.  

But there it is.  

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Barack Obama on Wednesday welcomed Pope Francis' recent remarks that the Catholic Church must shake off an obsession with teachings on abortion, contraception and homosexuals, saying the pontiff was showing incredible humility.

"I tell you, I have been hugely impressed with the pope's pronouncements," Obama said in a CNBC interview.

Obama has worked to expand gay rights as president and last year backed same-sex marriage. He also supports the use of contraception and a woman's right to an abortion.

Pope Francis told the Italian Jesuit Journal last month that the Church had "locked itself up in small things" by its obsession with abortion, contraception and homosexuality.

Obama said the pope seemed to be someone who "lives out the teachings of Christ" and shows "incredible humility" toward the poor.

"That's a quality I admire," said Obama, who has yet to meet the new pope.

Our Guardian Angels

I wanted to post this just how I read it this morning, from my Breviary, on this, Oct 2, The Feast of The Holy Guardian Angels.


Reading 3
From the Sermons of St Bernard, Abbat of Clairvaux.
On Ps. xc
He hath given His Angels charge over thee. A wonderful graciousness, and a wonderful outpouring of love. For who hath given charge? And what charge? Unto whom? And over whom? Let us carefully consider, my brethren, let us carefully hold in mind this great charge. For who hath given this charge? To Whom belong the Angels? Whose commandments do they obey, and Whose will do they do? He hath given His Angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways, and that not carelessly, for they shall bear thee up in their hands. The Highest Majesty, therefore, hath given charge unto Angels, even His Angels. Unto these beings so excellently exalted, so blessed, so near to Himself, even as His own household, unto these hath He given charge over thee. Who art thou? What is man, that Thou art mindful of him? or the son of man, that Thou visitest him? Ps. viii. 5. Even as though man were not rottenness, and the son of man, a worm. (Job. xxv. 6.) But what charge hath He given them over thee? To keep thee in all thy ways.
V. But thou, O Lord, have mercy upon us.
R. Thanks be to God.

The Holy Father

I'm just going to rant a bit.

    Can someone explain to me (aside from the obvious, as I see it anyway) why the Holy Father would lead us down the road of "de-emphasis of hot button social issues"?  These last two weeks have left me baffled as to why, truly why a man, elected Pope, can say and evidently turn the face of the church so far away from its theological traditions.  I know why, in my heart and soul I know why, but like I said, I'm just going to rant.

I'd rant more but I've got to get back to work. 

Chapel time.

At our parish we have a 24 hour Adoration Chapel, but it's not really 24 hours anymore, just not enough people to cover the hours.  Attrition mostly, but also people don't like to commit to any certain time, they like to just stop by the Chapel for 10, 20 minutes, a half hour, whatever.  And I understand that, it's a busy world we live in and everyone has stuff to do.  But I'm here from 5-7 pm, and really not too many people show up during the supper hours.  It's very quiet, just me and Him.  It has been 1 hour, 30 min. and I'm still on my knees.  I say this not for any gratification or show-offness, but to make a point.  Sometimes people, myself included, would never in a million years sit during Benediction of the Blessed Sacrament, but during their Chapel hour, will sit.  Is He not the same God?  For myself, I'm going to try to stay on my knees for however long I'm in the Chapel before the blessed Sacrament.  It's good penance for me and our Lord knows I'm lazy when it comes to penance and sacrifice.  I know not everyone is the same, bad knees, bad back, etc.  This is just me talking and I feel the need to give God all the reverence that is due Him by me.  

I made the 2 hours.

I bought a bike.

 I bought a new bike.
  Actually, I didn't buy it, H did, I just picked it out.  We went into the bike shop, and one of the first things she says, is "Don't look at the price!", which I didn't, sort of.  I looked but ignored it.  I settled for a Trek, one from their Hybrid line, a really nice bike and one that seems good for me.  I haven't really ridden it yet, around the neighborhood near the bike shop, but that's about it.  Tomorrow, perhaps, if all goes well.
  I used to ride a lot, two, three times a week, spring, summer, fall.  Then I got away from it, for many reasons, time, age, other priorities.  I became more focused on other things, and riding did take up a lot of time, two, sometimes three hours a trip.  But back then I had the time, or so I thought, to do things like ride a bike, watch hours of t.v., take on different challenges, adventures, anything to fill up the time in a day, not knowing or realizing that someone was asking me to come home, in a very loud voice, for many years.  It had been so long since I'd heard this voice I didn't even recognize it.  It seemed alien, disturbing.  His voice can be like that, when you've been away for such a long time, a very long time in my case, and the ears of your heart can become encrusted with the grime of the world.  Mine was like that, encrusted, and covered over with many rocks, put there by me, with every action that I offended God with.  His Church I offended.  His Mother I offended, and His Son I offended.  But through all these things that I did, worldly things with no thought of any consequence, I rode.  With a bike ride everything went away, all the cares of the day, the anxieties, doubts, the voice, everything.  It was me challenging me, me pushing myself into oblivion, physically.  In a new-age sort of modern way I guess maybe then I was close to Him, in the silence of the ride or the sounds of the world as I passed through it.  And it did keep me fit, which is probably most important, and that is really why I'm going to get back to it, for the fitness part and also to ride together with H.  We do mostly everything together, and with God's grace we will ride together, this time!  At 58 I'm not going to beat myself up anymore.  I have to take care of my body, not abuse it, for it was given to me by our Father in Heaven, to take care of as best I can. It's the same with the other aspects of my life. I've tried to jettison all of those bad habits and bad choices that kept the rocks and crust surrounding my heart. Through prayer and guidance I've learned how to say "I'm not going to do this" and do it, and "I don't need this", and not have it.  I'll not lie; these actions are accomplished only about half the time, the un-learning of a lifetime of darkness will take the rest of my life.  I look at it this way; for every two or three stones I lift from my heart I manage to replace them with at least one. But I don't really mind the labor.  It is a life of penance, isn't it?  For me it is.  In seeking Him, the silence is supreme.  The Narrow Way is ever so hard, but oh so quiet when one can see the road clearly.  
  So I will ride again, maybe tomorrow, just a warm-up ride.  I'll get my bike blessed by Fr. M., a good blessing from his old black book of prayers and blessings, from the Old Rite, complete with Holy Water.  I will ride and pray, and thank God for His consolations and praise Him for the desolations as He gives them to me.  I hope to write more here or perhaps on my other blogs that I haven't touched in months and months, but time will tell.  I don't want to whine.  

First Rule:  The love that moves and causes one to choose must descend form above, that is, from the love of God, so that before one chooses he should perceive that the greater or less attachment for the object of his choice is solely because of His Creator and Lord.  (from) Christian Warfare  
 

The feast of Pentecost

                                                                                                                                                                                       But, behold, now, if I shall ask any one of you whether he loveth God, he will answer with all boldness and quietness of spirit "I do love him." But at the very beginning of this day's Lesson from the Gospel, ye have heard what the Truth saith " If a man love Me, he will keep My word." The test, then, of love, is whether it is showed by works. Hence the same John hath said in his Epistle I. iv. 20, v. 3 "If a man say, I love God, and keepeth not His commandments, He is a liar." Then do we indeed love God, and keep His commandments, if we deny ourselves the gratification of our appetites. Whosoever still wandereth after unlawful desires, such an one plainly loveth not God, for he saith, Nay, to that which God willeth.

Lesson ii, Roman Breviary, Homily of St. Gregory, Pope

Homily 30 on the Gospels

A decision made...

Sometimes there just isn't an easy way to write about things.  I haven't posted much in the last year or so, and to be honest, I'm not that good of a writer to just be pumping out the first thing that comes into my head.  Usually the first thing that comes out of my mouth is nonsense!  Through spiritual reading and prayer I've realized that I'm the type of person who, when the conversation begins to take on weight, I must slow down and keep my mouth closed, and my ears open.  I believe that, when we give ourselves more and more to God, to knock down that invisible wall that we sometimes put up between us and Him, that wall of control that we hate to give up, when we do what God asks and love Him completely, our lives will change with His flow of Grace.  I've found that it's too hard to live with that feeling that I must hold the reins.  There are certain things that, as a man, I must do.  I must follow the three precepts as a man must; God, Family, Duty. But in all the other aspects of my life, I'm done with putting myself out there, and for the sake of what?  The sake of the world?  No, this world holds no interest for me any longer.  A world that has forgotten completely and totally about God.  A world where man comes first in almost everything, and God is a distant last. In the last few years I've come to insulate myself by surrounding myself with like-minded people, devout Catholics who follow the old theology of the church, who attend and believe deeply in the Traditional Latin Mass and who try to put God first before everything.  A daunting task, that is at times.  And through all of this I've tried to live my life in the footsteps of our Lord Jesus Christ by following the path of ST. Francis as a Secular Franciscan.  Francis' complete devotion to Christ, his life of complete abandonment to our God has been a tremendous inspiration to me.  I cannot imagine myself as not a Franciscan.  And this brings me to this juncture in my life, to a place where, as a Catholic and a Franciscan I can go no longer.  I cannot remain as a 'Secular Franciscan'.  The Seculars follow a path that has been mapped out since after Vatican II and follows the Novus Ordo Mass and all the new theology that that Mass brings with it.  I, and H also, we are no longer there.  As of last fall, H and I have been on a one year leave of absence from our Fraternity.  At that final meeting I realized that the gulf between our ways of living the Franciscan Rule was too great.  The Rule of 1221, written and given to the brothers by Francis himself, is, I believe, the only way to live one's life as a Franciscan.  To the letter, to the letter, to the letter.  Francis' own words.  That way of Franciscan life is gone, washed away in this era of modernism and in a world that puts man first.  I informed our Minister to begin the process of withdrawal.  

  Where do we go from here?  Onward with our Journey to God.  For the past year and a half H and I  have been Novices again, as we begin this part of our lives as Third Order Franciscans.  We have joined an Association which focuses on living the Franciscan life by the Rule of 1221.  As members of a Latin Mass community it makes perfect sense to begin living and promoting our lives as the Third Order did before Vat.II.  We have started a Fraternity here.  We have members.  We have called to God, and He has heard us.  This world is a crazy, out of control place.  We must all find our way to God, for He calls and we must listen.