...so many flowers...

Oh, how God works, letting me know that I am not in charge. I finally found the time (busy night!) to write on different thoughts that have come my way over the last week or so. As I dug through my book bag I was lead to pull out a book I haven't used in a while. I opened it at random, as one should, and these were Her words to me:

"Hello My child! Bright and clean is the way I
would have your soul. This is how you should
look before my Son, but still you have so many corners-
yet you do not allow Me to enter! I ask you to give
Me every little patch of your soul. I wish to cultivate
it and make it beautiful for God, hidden to the world.
Be on guard not to parade your brightness
before men, lest you become smug and complacent
and thus remain in a state of illusion! I am greatly
pleased when you want Me to help you and you no
longer rely on your own merits but mine to give your
soul a lustre, so that before God you will look beautiful.
My child, so many flowers have yet to be planted.
Set the ground by your prayer and fidelity to Me.
I bless you."

These words are from 'All Through Mary, Devotion to Our Lady's Message of Mercy to The World', otherwise known as Mary's Blue Book. Truly God has blessed me, though I don't know why, I don't understand any of it. I do believe one thing, though; if we turn our hearts and minds to Him, He will guide us. If we give every moment over to God, he will be with us. For me, all of Lent and Easter, as it happened, this year, did not sink in. I think I tried too hard to find answers to questions that have no real answers. At times I stumbled, and was left wondering. Holy Thursday and Good Friday almost became too much, as I think my soul was searching and finding but my mind became dim from looking through eyes not seeing. Why, I asked, and still do, why did it slip away? It was similar as with Christmas. No matter what, it comes on in a rush and I'm left panting.
The Octave Week gave me a chance to look again, so to speak, to try to find Jesus where He is, with me on my own road to Emmaus. And at times, I did.
Tonight the reading from The Blue Book opened me up yet again, as the B.V.M. speaks to me, to us, once more. "...so many flowers have yet to be planted..." that thought I keep turning over and over in my mind.

Oh, Lord, as you gave us strength and graces
on Divine Mercy Sunday, showing me that the
Risen You walks with us every day, and Your
precious touch is there, waiting for us to ask.

Risen Christ

During this Octave of Easter the theme (not a good word, but I'm using it anyway) is, of course, the Risen Christ. Now, I don't know where I've been for the last 55 years but for whatever reason the importance of not only believing that He rose but that we must seek Him always, and to know that He is here with us always, was perhaps lost on me. Seeking Him sounds so easy in our minds, so easy to grasp in the darkness of the night or in the quiet of an early dawn. In the harshness of the workplace or when dealing with a family issue or any and all of the situations we come across that make us uncomfortable, that is when the Face of Jesus is harder to see. He fades, and we are left feeling alone.

It must be remembered that as we walk with Him, as we strive to be aware of Him who is at our side always, satan is there also, for he is the one who makes us forgetful, makes us angry and confused at our neighbor. He would like nothing better than for us to forget about Jesus, let Easter fade like we let most holidays do. I was reminded just today to pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance and strength so I don't lose sight of Our Lord. These are specific actions that I must do every day because I'm weak, and during a normal day, unless I truly focus He does fade away, it's so very easy for it to happen. I guess a good way to look at it is to love God with all my heart, mind and soul, and my soul that longs will find its' way.

Come Holy Spirit, fill my heart with your holy gifts.
Let my weakness be penetrated with your strength
this very day,
that I may fulfill all my duties conscientiously,
and that I may do what is right and just.
Graciously hear me, O Holy Spirit,
and pour your light into my heart, my soul, and my mind.
Help me to live a holy life and to grow in goodness and grace.
Amen.
(excerpt from) "Daily Prayer to the Holy Spirit"
-Medjugorje Day By Day

An Easter thought...

Forty plus days have passed since Ash Wednesday, and my journey of ups and downs (but mostly riding in the middle) has not really ended, but quietly flowed into a journey within The Journey, which we call the Easter Season. I wish I had the skills to properly convey even a small fraction of the joys and the frustrations that I've met along the road called Lent, but I don't and I won't try. But there were some moments that will stay with me for a while; the tenderness of our older Friar, Father J,as he washed the feet of the woman sitting next to me. That act of humility, right in the middle of the Gospel, brought my imagination back 2,000+years to when Our Lord gave this gift to his 12. My wife, for the first time had her feet washed and said it was simply beautiful, something she'll never forget. "You have to sign up for it next year," she said. And I will.
On Friday H and I were with the choir, so we had to go downstairs to Kiss the Wood. This year I felt such tremendous sorrow as I walked the length of the center aisle to reach it and when I went to kiss the wood I just wanted to hold it, to hug it. Our small cross seemed so large, so real! It was another what-just- happened-to-me moment, one of a few that occurred in these last few days. During the Holiest of Days one just has to be aware and open to the graces that God bestows on us at all times. The reality of our faith shone forth even in the dark hours of Holy Thursday and Good Friday, and our faith holds us together during the Long Day, Holy Saturday. We had one young man finish the RCIA course culminating in his baptism at the Vigil Mass and when it was time for our Priest to pray over him he called the other three Friars, all Priests, to come down and pray with him. What a beautiful sight, our four Franciscans, a single arm from each held with hand in prayer position, giving blessings to a new-born soul! Tears welled and ran freely from my eyes, and my heart was lost.
One more moment to share: Easter Morning as Lector I had the honer of reading that tremendous First Reading, but I didn't do it justice. I wanted so much for my voice to really carry the story to the hearts of all our parishioners, but in the end, I think I failed. I don't know. Too much pressure, I guess, put on by myself. Anyway, right after Mass I went over to pray in front of the Tabernacle for a few minutes and was joined by Helen, who had Cantered. As usual, within moments of the last notes ringing from the organ the church erupted in loud voices, laughter and general chaos. It happens after every Mass, like the ending of a sporting event. We try to block it out, but it's nearly impossible. Maybe because it was Easter and Our Lord was back in the Tabernacle, but as I gazed upon the golden resting place something happened that has never happened to me before. As I gazed I could feel, with 100% certainty, Our Savior radiating His love out to me, to us, Helen and I as we said our prayers of thanksgiving for the Eucharist. I could of knelt there forever, taking in His Love...

Good Friday

"The cross will not crush you; if its weight makes you stagger, its power will sustain you." - ST. Pio of Pietrelcina

Lenten Reflection...

I've been trying to write this all day but never found the time. Here we are on the eve of Holy Thursday and I have the same unfinished feeling I had last year; All of Lent has come and gone (well, almost gone) and I don't know if I'm any closer to my imaginary pre-Lent goal now as I was when Lent began. Last year and this year my hope was to slow my life, well, not my secular life, (I've almost given up on slowing that down,) but my spiritual life, that's what I really intended to do. The thing is, more spiritual stuff goes on during these 40 days than usual, more gatherings for Evening Prayer, an extra Mass during the week, Stations, Choir rehearsals, so by the time the weekend is here one is worn out from just the commuting. I'm not complaining but I know I am. I love the 2 nights a week for Evening Prayer, the extra Mass, I love all of it! It's just that at times I feel it might be too much, too much being offered. During confession last week Fr. D. said to find more quiet time to listen to the Lord. I haven't found that time yet, and although I try to stay in constant prayer it's very hard to do at work. Even as I type I listen, but I know I'm not there, my deepness is not deep enough. At times God seems so elusive, and in the quiet moments all I seem to hear is the hum of the world. I'm thinking that in this hum is where I'll catch a glimpse of Him, feel Him as he reaches down with finger or utters inside me a single word. Oh, God, I yearn for that moment! At times in this cushy life the daily world rails against me but I know I'm so much better off than most. But at times the desert stretches out forever, and they do pluck my beard. I try to be like Paul, someone for everyone but that pulls me so thin, and I can only stretch so far.
In these next few days I'm hoping to find some of that quiet time I crave, to be with you, Lord, during these most Holy of Days. Let us all pray for that slowing down, that time to deepen our knowledge of the Mysteries of Our Lord and God.

Surprise

Thursday evening, at the end of Adoration, right before Father D Reposed Our Lord, something very beautiful took place; Father asked that we say The Divine Praises, which is on the back page of our missals. Let me tell you, this is a first. Usually our priest, whichever one it is, holds up the Monstrance and presents it to the congregation, kneels, then take the host out and places Him into the tabernacle. So for this to happen took us by surprise. My wife prays for more reverence in the church and I'm sad to say that at times our parish priests do disappoint me. Sometimes the 'spirit of Francis' can get in the way of things. I do think Fr. D has a different way of looking at things and the Reposing of Our Lord is one of them. As Father was walking towards the Tabernacle my wife Helen broke into "Holy God, we praise thy name; Lord of all, we bow before thee; All on earth thy scepter claim..." well, you know the rest. I immediately joined her, and I did hear another voice following along back behind us. I'll have to say it sounded beautiful and a fitting end (I think!) to Adoration. As these events unfolded before us Our Lord became a real tangible presence in our church. It was like in showing more reverence to Our Lord and Savior he in turn showered graces on us who were in his real presence. It's hard to explain, you really had to be there. And that's just part of the story of a long day of, in reflection, torture and attacks by satan, culminating in my going to Adoration and then our evening Reconciliation Service immediately following Adoration. The darkness and deep physical pain that I had all day Thursday was monumental; I've never felt so messed up, ever. And then this morning, and the rest of the day, nothing. Just a feeling of peace, which is rare on a fast day. I'm long on this post and rambling, but I'd like to thank all who reply here with your kind words and if you disagree with anything please feel free with your replies. At times God blesses me with moments of insight, a quick flash of understanding, which usually turns into a post. Today yesterday was revealed a bit for me, and so I wrote. Peace.

The Annunciation...

This day started as the kind of day one just doesn't want to start. I woke up stiff and sore, even more stiff and sore than usual. Half my head filled with sinus stuff, which throws my balance off as I maneuvered in the dark around the bedroom. A splitting headache to go along with the whole mess, but I still managed to say my consecration prayer to Jesus through Mary. That is a given. And what a beautiful given it is, with no real thought of mine, a gift given from above that lets me praise Him and Her first thing in the morning!
And here's my point; That even though mornings come when we really don't want to get out of bed, never mind go to work, when we want to give in to a little inconvenience that you know will go away after a cup of coffee or a hot shower, even though we don't want to we do move about and start our day, and get to work, no matter what that work is. We say yes to something that is much more than just me, or us. We say yes as Our Lady said yes, we put our fate into the hand of God just as Mary did and we declare our obedience to God to do the right thing, unknowingly and selflessly as our Mother did so long ago. Today as I celebrate The Annunciation Of Our Lord help me Blessed Mother to understand more fully the mystery of your yes!, and in understanding more enable me to give more, give more unreservedly to my God.

Grace before lunch, Wednesday

Oh Lord, I thank you for this meal, this bread before me.

I thank you for my job, and all the work you have provided us

and I thank you and pray to you for my co-workers,

past and present, keep us safe on the job and on our way home.

Watch over my family, Lord as they go through the day.



Bless us o Lord, for these thy gifts...

A note from the field...

So much is happening, inside of me and outside, that's it's hard to digest it all. For starters, about three weeks ago my car died, the transmission gave out and with 249,000 miles on a car with a bad front end it just wasn't feasible to get it fixed. My son has one car, which he needs to get to work, my daughter has another (work and college) so my wife and I share hers. I drive it some days and other days I get a ride into work and catch a ride home with one of my co-workers. Things have worked out, mostly, and let me tell you, it is a humbling experience to ask others for a ride. So Franciscan! Almost like asking for alms. I wish we had better public transportation, I'd forgo another car altogether. H and I had grandiose ideas of re-financing our home and getting a newer used car that way but even going that route would have cost us a ton of money we don't have. So down one car has been a two sided coin; inconvenient in some ways but eye-opening in others. H and I talk about cutting back and in our semi poverty existence we're forced to not have much. My paycheck is pulled in many different directions, spread like the last of butter on many pieces of toast. But we were called to be Secular Franciscans and by the grace of God we will act like one in prayer, thought and actions.
Also, I'm finding that the noise of the world is unsettling at times, and I'm not sure if it's only because of Lent or God has manifested Himself in me in another new way. Mostly, though, I believe it has to do a lot with reading Sacred Scripture, which lately what I've been reading has really clicked in me. God and his works are to me a tremendous mystery that I'll never even begin to understand. God's ways are not our ways and to understand them completly is, for me, not important. I believe that the more we contemplate our God and His ways he will enlighten us as he sees fit. Keep the Cross ever before you. Yes, keep the Cross before you and put the secular world behind you, and that's what I've been trying very hard to do this Lenten season. Focus, keep focused by attending Mass as often as possible and while there delve deep into the Mystery of the Mass, the mystery of the Eucharist. My Lord and my God! He is there when we call Him, we just have to call him without the heart of stone. Oh, this time of penance, this time of Passion! Lord, help me to learn about you more and more during this season of Lent, and to stay more fixed on that narrow path until my time on earth is through.

Lenten Journey

I will be with you Lord, today as I fast.
It is a way for me to stay with You
for just one hour.
Wednesdays' fast prepares me for Fridays'
and I keep Your Cross before me,
for without the Cross I'd let slip away
the gifts I receive
when I fast for You.

Oh Blessed Mother!

These days are dark but filled with light.

I ask for Your strength, to help me on this Journey.

I'm following Him but the road is rough,

I'm pulled from side to side.

Narrow is the path He walks

but He is bright and lights the way.

A Gift

Our Lord has a way of doing things which I can't even begin to fathom. This morning brought one of those moments that, when they happen to me (which is few and very far between), just stop me literally, in my tracks. I've always had a problem with people telling me what to do, well, not really that but how and when to do something. I always feel that I know best, the "Don't tell me how to do my job" sort of thing. Since taking my vows as a Secular Franciscan I've been trying to live by the rule of humility and humbleness, and most of the time I do, (sort of) but when someone rubs me the wrong way I have a hard time accepting what they say. And if there is any criticism along with whatever else they are saying, forget it. I'm usually steaming for hours after. This morning though, I don't know what He did, He didn't even say anything that I know of, it was more like a turning of one's head a bit or lifting a veil. All of a sudden I knew that I wasn't in charge, I knew that in order to really walk with Christ I must submit totally to my humility, not every once in a while but always, that in doing so I would find something, some insight, some way to make the Journey easier. A tremendous weight lifted from me, not instantly, but little by little as the full scope of the gift He'd just given me sunk in. And with that came the tears and I had to quickly head to the men's room (funny now, not so then. My co-workers wouldn't understand.) After a couple of minutes I walked out of that men's room a different person. And of course I was immediately thrust into a situation where, before I probably would of had an issue with. For once I was able to respond as a true follower of Francis, a follower of Christ. Even as I write this I feel this inner glow, that's the best way for me to describe it. A valuable lesson, given freely from Our God today, taken with thankfulness and, of course, humility. Praise Him forever.

from 'The Little Black Book'

I will meet the Lord in a lot of people today.
Will I recognize him?

Getting through the day...

Lately it's been hard to find a quiet time, that hour or so when, during Lent especially, we can slow ourselves down and at least try to hear the Voice. For me, and I'm sure for many who work long hours during the week quality reflective time is almost non-existent. At night, after supper, shower, Evening Prayer, with the idea to calm down and try to let Our Lord in, to speak with Him, to pray, unfortunately most of the time in less than ten minutes I'm asleep wherever I am. How bad! We have a friend who's retired, a single man, who is always going on retreats because he can't even find quiet, meditative time. And during work, I find myself forgetting about Our Lord. The events of the day become too important (not really, but they trick me!) and that makes me sad. So I try very hard to keep Him in front of me, constantly in some sort of prayer, either to Our Lord, or the Blessed Virgin or Our God Himself. it's the only way I can get through the day.

Our God has blessed us with shining sun and temp's that are climbing into the 50's here in CT. Our day started as we woke at 2:15am to make our Nocturnal Adoration hour from 3-4am. What a gift to be able to spend that time with Our Lord! H and I did Morning Prayer together, our morning offering in the wee hours. Then, silence.
Our Homily today by Fr. Dan on today's Prodigal Son Gospel was centered squarely on sin and its consequences. How when one gets trapped in sin how it's so hard to escape from continuing to sin, sinning over and over. And then when one decides to renounce sin, and after the sacrament of reconciliation, how a person is still very weak, how one's soul has been damaged by sin and even though our sins have been forgiven, it still takes time, sometimes a long time for the graces from God to work, to truly change the soul. Oh, the consequences of sin! Fr. Dan also spoke of our contemplation of our sin and the direct effects it has on us and God. It was an eye-opening look at sin, no sugar coating, just an old school Homily from a Priest that is so very kind, but pulls no punches. God is good.

Getting ready to head over to the church hall for our Pasta Dinner to benefit St. Mary's-Above-Rocks Mission in Jamaica. St. Mary's is run by Franciscans and our church tries to hold a benefit once a year with all proceeds going to them. I'm the pasta maker so wish me luck. Al Dente'!

Events...

Putting up anything here has been nearly impossible lately due to time constraints, an avalanche of events that I'm still trying to digest and then write about and the effects of prednisone that I began taking for my spastic lungs which accompanied my bout with bronchitis. Yech!! I've been weirded out for the last 2 weeks but the weaning process began a few days ago, so hopefully I'll get back into better shape. One can't think straight on prednisone, so I figured I'd just absorb all incoming events and deal with posting later. I've made a major change in my life that has to do with taking on extra work (I'm not going to). In my feeling of importance in being the main supporter of our beautiful family I let my life get out of hand and ruled (in a way) by the almighty dollar. I forgot who was in charge, and needed to be smacked more than a couple of times last week to get it through my head. In feeling so damn important I lost sight of some basic goals, lost sight of the Franciscan Rule, and momentarily lost sight of Christ. When we are weak satan is strong, and once again I found that out. This time though Our Lord helped me to realize my mistake (I know it was Him, otherwise I'd still be ranting) and drove me that evening (Tues.) to confession. Thanks you, Lord, for being there, in the guise of a good Franciscan priest. Thanks for asking just the right question, for having me reflect on something else entirely, until you revealed the wisdom of your love.





Lord, why does it take us so long to let you lead us, let you lead me? And why can't I let myself go completely, to place all these burdens that I'm really starting to feel at your feet. Why do I insist on carrying everything and everyone around? These are my questions, Lord, to you this Lent. These are the questions I'll ask myself.

Trials

Tuesday, the 16TH - The sudden firing Monday of a co-worker of mine has thrown me out of sync. Although not unexpected, it still came as a shock to most of us. Without going into details let me say that at times (most times!) he was rude, arrogant, sexist, racist, you name it he was it. But he was a good work friend, and I'm sorry to see him go. Even though I spoke with him about his actions on a personal level and as a General Foreman (I was his boss) He kept going back to his old ways, which just didn't fit in with our ways. It leaves me wondering if there was more I could have done, or should have. And I can't help thinking that his wife is going to flip when she hears the news. She knows how S acts and was always telling him to straighten out, your going to get fired.

Well, he did.

So it's like a hunk of darkness that settles inside of you when all this happens. The reading from Monday, James 1:1-11, how it is a joy to have trials, and to be tested in faith, produces perseverance. Well, I wasn't really tested in my faith but I was put to the test a bit with S, and maybe I failed. I've been waiting for him to contact me but he hasn't, he's texted and e-mailed almost everyone else here, complaining how he was shafted. Everyone here has an opinion but I've kept a low profile. Something (or someone,my guardian angel?) has kept my thoughts muffled, even inside. I will not pass judgement on S. We always told him "You don't need us to give you a shovel, your always carrying one around with you," in reference to him digging a hole for himself here at work.
Friday, the 19TH - It took all week to write this post and most of the uneasiness that stemmed from the firing of S has subsided, with the busyness of a workweek taking over. Even myself, I've gotten over the shock part but not the disappointment of the loss of a c0-worker. I'm probably just over analyzing the situation but I keep coming back to the whole event and I guess just wish the world were different. In a perfect world, this would be and that would be... but it just isn't so. We move on, we continue to labor, to love, to live our lives. An uncle of mine flew from this earth this week and his son, my cousin isn't even having a service for him, never mind a catholic funeral. Just burn him up and put him in the ground. So that's been on my mind this week. A week of trials, anger and reflection. And in the middle of the week Ash Wednesday. In a way, how perfect. Take up your cross, and follow me. I've got it Lord, and I'm with you.

From the heart...

It seems that I post a lot about Adoration. Right now, maybe because of the time of year (winter in CT) or the time in my life, I find that when I'm in His Presence I'm able to slow down a bit to either talk to Him or not talk, pray the Rosary or just let my mind wander a bit. Most of my day is spent at work, and there is no real time (except for lunch) to relax. A crazy way to earn a living, if you ever saw us in the shop. I'm hoping to get through a few more years and then we'll see what happens. I know that planning like that isn't the best way to go but I'll just leave it at that.
This past week at work was one of those 'weeks from h...,' if you get my drift. Certain people bring so much personal baggage with them to work and the negative energy really affects us. This is a person I've talked about before and over the years I've learned to love her somewhat, but not in the way I should. I don't know if I'll ever love her the way Jesus asks us to love, but I try. Lets say it's a part of my life that, as long as we work together I will be challenged in love. On account of other people who didn't fill in for co-workers who were out for personal reason, sickness, etc, our workplace this week was a personal strain on many levels and on many good people. Thursday's Adoration came up and earlier in the day as I tried to gather my thoughts for my hour and I thought I had a good idea of what I'd present to Him. But I'm thickheaded and thick hearted, thinking (once again!) that I was in charge. When I got there I re-read the First Reading and the Gospel for the day and mulled that around in my mind for awhile. Read again from Medjugorje Day by Day and as usual, became disappointed in myself. Cracked open the Bible and read more about Solomon and his troubles. Other prayers, the Rosary, but everything seemed dry and just out of reach. I should know better that with me Our Lord doesn't really say much, but with last week's uplifting hours before Him I guess I expected more.
So at six I left.
Halfway home (it's only a 12 minute ride) I thought again of my co-worker whom I really try to understand, who carries with her so so much anger and bitterness, and I thought to myself (or God?) What can I do, how can I deal with her? and as soon as I internally voiced this thought loud and clear came the answer; With Love. Only with love. It was if He'd been waiting for me through the whole Adoration to ask that question, heck, maybe I've been waiting my whole life. And as He said it to me, straight to my inner self, I sort of knew what to do with her, how to use God's love through me to her. And that is to show the Face of His Son all the time, not when it's convenient, but all the time. Such a challenge! Such a simple yet devastatingly difficult new beginning. Because when we put on the Face of Christ, the armor of Christ it gives us new strength. The Face of Christ is to be seen, not hidden under a basket, but brought forth to shine for our hard pressed co-workers, a daughter who's struggling or a son who's searching. A Face to shine on a wife (or husband) who is there for you forever, two become one. So my Hour with Him that I thought was anything but fruitful bore much after I asked my question from my heart.

Adoration reflection

I intended to start this post last Sunday afternoon but it didn't happen. By then my head was just too tired, and if I can't write my thoughts with a strong, clear inner voice I won't post. Everyone who reads my thoughts deserves my best.

Since our conversion/spiritual journey began a few years ago H and I have found ourselves volunteering or stepping into help, whatever one wants to call it, whenever Our Lord passes these opportunities before us. H does Meals-On-Wheels, brings the Eucharist to home bound and people in the convalescent home, etc. And together and separately we fill in Adoration Hours at three different churches, which is an unbelievable blessing. Our parish has Thursdays from 12:00 noon until 7:30pm, which H has the 3-4 hour and I have the 5-6. St. Martha's has Adoration from 6:00am until 10:00pm but that parish is having trouble getting volunteers to keep it open all those hours. We do the 6-7pm on Friday nights but we usually repose Our Lord on account of no one showing up after 7. And at All Saints Church we joined the Nocturnal Adoration Society because a husband/wife team for some reason couldn't make it anymore. With nocturnal adoration it's a rotating schedule and All Saints only has it on First Friday into First Saturday. This month we had the 2-3am slot. These middle of the hours are so special. Only the two of us with Our Lord. Very very quiet. Occasional car drives by. A radiator pops and creaks. We usually say either Night Prayer or Morning Prayer, depending. Out loud, to Our Lord. We pray a Rosary out loud to Him Who Is There. When I leave All Saints after spending time with Him I feel so full, and sometimes dazed. Any prayer in the very early morning is somehow different. For me, it seems richer, almost. The silence and no distractions, gifts from the Lord that say Come, speak to me a bit. What troubles you? What is on your mind.

Words that are not heard but felt.



Three plus hours of Adoration in two plus days is, for me, a very real gift. For the rest of the weekend I felt at times so fragile, but also so very clear. I was filled up with the Lord, and in His filling up He slowed me down, slowed my mind down a bit and though the feeling of Him filling me to the brim has somewhat passed the slowing down has not. Each time I knelt before Him it was as if He was saying something soothing, a wordless drawing of me to Him. Lately my quiet times with Our God has left me more aware, more alert, for lack of a better description. Other events happened during the weekend but they all pale in my reflection of my time with Our Lord. The more often I can place myself before Him, the more clearer my purpose for Him will become, that I truly believe.

Todays Gospel

Today, one of my favorite Gospel readings; Mark 6:7-13. I'm willing to bet this was one of St. Francis' faves too. I remember reading in the Omnibus how Francis was so excited when there were enough Brothers to send out to different lands on preaching missions and how excited he was when some didn't come back! I couldn't help but try to compare (well, not compare, wrong choice of words!) but how we are first called to the Lord and then he sends us out, sometimes two by two to preach, (my wife and I) usually by example, to our family, our friends, our co-workers, everyone who touches our lives. And like the early Franciscan brothers some of us come back and some do not, not necessarily because of physical death but spiritual death. For some of us the Narrow Way is maybe too difficult, and for whatever reasons some fall away or grow quiet. We don't know why. I know a lot of people who have grown quiet over the years, accepting the road they're on to be the one for them, the path that will lead them to Him. I grow sad even now thinking about them, close friends and family members that I've had a hard time reaching as I'm traveling on my road, my journey for Him. Even though I own a home and cars and all the "stuff" that goes along with this life when I'm representing Him it is only me, -no food, no sack no money in my belt-trying to preach by example and sometimes using words.

The Presentation...of me

On this Feast of the Presentation of Our Lord I find myself focusing on how we, like the child Jesus, are presented to our God everyday, not by our mothers, although the Blessed Mother helps us if we ask her, but how we present ourselves to Him, every day, every moment. Some days, the person we present is better than others. Today is not a very good presentation day for me. Things have bothered me today and since this is a very busy week for me I seem to be focusing on the negative instead of the positive, I'm trying to influence the day instead of letting the Lord influence me. The Lord Our God deserves better than this.

More prayer is needed....and humility....and humbleness.