Wednesday, August 05, 2015
It takes me about 40-45 minutes to get to work in the morning. The drive is mostly back roads, country roads really, here in CT, and I drive slow. I pray my second Rosary, then listen to some chant or whatever is shuffling around in my old I-pod. Always very uneventful. Lately though, the past few months, on and off, you might say, I've been troubled. Many things have been happening in my life, neither good nor bad, (but I only realize that now, the good or bad part), just things, events, happenings, whatever. I guess I've mostly looked at all of this in a negative light, but not in a real alarming way, mostly just in the vein of a big sigh and an 'Oh well...' This way of looking at things will wear a man down and place him far from where he should be, which is in line with God. The problem is, as fallen beings, it becomes easy to look at things that way, from a purely man-centered way. One finds themselves in these situations and try to get themselves out, to lift themselves up but use only themselves as the way and the means. God is not forgotten about, usually, but let's say He's put off to the side. Our pride says 'I can handle this, just watch, just give me a minute.' What I'm trying to say is God is in control. Oh really, you might say, tell me something I don't know. Which is true, nothing earth-shattering or new about that. But do we really think about it, contemplate it or pray about it? I don't. I just haven't, not in the way one should. Now this whole bit of thought came about because I put a certain situation into the hands of the Blessed Mother, saying 'I leave this to you, you know best.' And She does, because She does God's Will. And then the answer came and the situation was resolved, pretty much but for some reason everything lingered in my mind, not like unanswered questions but a picture put before me by perhaps our Mother, saying, 'See, this is how it is. You pray, you ask sincerely, and if it is in your best interest, determined by God, things happen. But you must do your part. You must accept what God gives you, because everything comes from God, the good and the bad, praising God and thanking Him for your lot in life.' The good and the bad. I thought about that, my health issues, my physical woes, my being overwhelmed at times by life itself, to be thankful and rejoice in all of this because each and everything that flows to me is from Him. Thoughts came flashing back from books, talks whatever, saying the same thing but for whatever reason these words never stuck. Heard and forgotten. But today was different, for some reason. Perhaps the state of the world, the darkness that is out there that has infested almost all walks of life, has started to wear down even my optimistic attitude, perhaps this ray of light this morning pierced through that dust of satan just enough to make a difference, I don't know. But I was able to see more clearly, for those few moments, a small bit of His Plan that made perfect sense to me. Tonight, as I finish writing this, my mind tired and worn out from another day, the sharpness of the revelation is gone, leaving me with only a sweet memory and a lesson I hopefully won't soon forget.