Getting ready to leave tomorrow for the Jamaica Mission trip and getting ready is always a trying time for me; I'm not good at tying up the lose ends and whatnot. That I leave to H, and I shouldn't. I have this romantic idea of just throwing a couple of things in a bag and running out the door, like Bilbo Baggins did, following Gandalf and the dwarfs in 'The Hobbit.' Not! I also get real emotional about my daughter, Celena. I know, by a long shot that I haven't lived up to her expectations as a Dad, and I haven't lived up to MY own expectations. We all wish we could have been the perfect dad. I just doesn't happen. So the regrets tear at you, and all the more when its time to part. I just want to watch over her, hold onto her, make sure no harm comes to her, calm her fears. I don't know if I've ever accomplished any of those things. I know she doesn't need me to do any of those things, I'm just a father and I want to, probably just to calm my own insecurities and fears. Odin, on the other hand, I never worry about. His existence on this earth supports me.
I know I'll feel better when I get on the plane.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
As we all know, tomorrow begins The Triduum. Lent proper ends after Holy Thursday Mass and the Paschal Fast begins. From what I've read it is a stricter form of fast, which I may just seque into. This Lent has had its ups and downs for me, at times feeling far away but often the Crucifixion appears very close, just outside my field of vision. I wish ( I shouldn't) I could find more quiet time in my life, right now it's just not there. But I'm not here to pick and choose. I'm here to do what the Lord asks of me, and my main job is to listen to Him.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
I just read a wonderful story on the internet about two young men from Fairfield University in southern CT who each built a 40lb. cross and then carried them the 22 miles to St. Mary's Church in New Haven. I felt so proud and happy for these men, to show their 'Face of Christ' to all the world that I figured I would leave a comment. After registering, I wrote a very nice (so I thought!) comment, religiously laced and expressing what I thought was a very spiritual view of the event. It must have been a bit too spiritual, because the webmaster immediately deleted it. Gone. Not to post. What did I say so wrong? It's gone, now, I can't even reproduce it. Such a sad time when our true christian views are shut down. And about a religious event, too.