Thursday, October 28, 2010

Absence of Trust

"Trust in me."

Pretty simple words, don't you think? I always thought they were, simple, easy to live by. Even the ups and downs of day to day living most times don't seem to interfere with trusting in Him. With me, I do it every day, I pray, I trust in Him. Simple, right? How wrong could I be.
How quickly I can forget anything I ever learned, felt or loved about God. How the Sacred Word, passed down through centuries could mean anything different than it is. How could I think that my easygoing hassle-free life was a trial?. I've got a lot to learn.
I think I've seen the other side of people more in the last week, or to say, I've, no, not I, God has opened my eyes to see the strengths and weaknesses in people, but to what end? To bring about unease and trial in my life? Maybe. I don't know. I do know that people are put into the crucible for many reasons, some reasons never to be known by us. God's plan is His plan, not ours, and we are usually not privy to it. I'm certainly not in on his plans for me or my fellow co-workers or this shop I'm in. You cannot serve both God and mammon. Our shop is so production and money driven I hardly fit in anymore. I doesn't really matter. I'm content to sit in the rear seat and let others drive. The view is fine back here.
I've also seen decisions made in the last day or so that will affect people for a long time to come. Family matters. Jesus went up to the mountain to pray, and he spent the night in prayer... If we spend time in prayer, serious time searching for God's answer, we must have the strength to believe that that word, that insight is from God, and we're going to act accordingly. I witnessed someone very close to me do just that, and the answer she got was not a popular one. But she believed with her whole heart, soul and mind in the reply from God, and she has stuck with it. Time will tell what He has in store for her and her siblings. But the point here is, she trusted.
Me, on the other hand, when confronted with news that I don't like, that takes me out of my comfort zone, I turn morose. Even after being told how we must trust in Him, even after I say uh huh, in total agreement, inside I'm tore up. This one issue, I had tried to keep it out of my mind, just let everything play itself out. But I got excited over premature news, and then, a couple of days later when things didn't work out, I felt cheated. Aarrgh! Why do I fall when I should rise? He tells us to trust, and when I really should, when I really have to, I can't. Somewhere, deep inside, I must think I'm still in charge of some things. This just shows how deep that trust in God has to go. One must believe completely, without hesitation. Will I ever reach that point, that point where this secular world has not so strong a hold on me? When I can move more freely between this world and His world, when they finally blend together and become one? Maybe never. I know I must just go on in the not knowing of His love the love that is here, all around me and inside me.
And trust in Him.

Oh my Lord and my God,
I'm commanded to walk
in your ways,
to trust in your words,
but I turn
and my own path calls me.
Is that You, Lord
I hear beside me, arm outstretched
before me, showing my way?


Do Not Be Anxious said...

I've often heard it said by people: "You've got to earn my trust." Sometimes they say it to their kids; sometimes they say it to their spouse. I guess sometimes they say it to their God.

I guess the question you have to answer, kam, is if He has earned your trust? I know He has earned mine.

Daily Grace said...

Living in the world, yet not becoming a part of it is an ongoing stuggle.

Its a fast food world and we want it our way right away. But the road of the cross was no short road, it was long and arduous, as is life.

From reading many of your posts, I find you to be a very spiritual man, one that is always striving to serve the Lord the best he can.

Do not be discouraged, you trust more than you realize.

One day at a time, step by step.

God bless

kam said...

Thank you both for your comments. Lots of times in my life, well, probably all of us, really, we have to contend with the noise of life, the constant bombardment of the secular world, honing in and taking aim at our spiritual world. I'm convinced that we need much more time than we give ourselves for quiet meditation, to unwind and to pray. I think a lot of my problems stem from that. I find that, by the time Sunday evening comes around I'm, well, not really unwound from work, but most times I've got my priorities back in the right spot. Again, thank you both for your posts and comments here. k

the booklady said...

Your post reminds me of the passage from Gospel of Mark where the father of the boy answers Jesus, "I do believe, help my unbelief!"

You do trust Kam, but you need help with the parts where you're still struggling to trust. With things like trust and belief, it's not all or nothing ... black or white ... on or off. It's process, growth, a day by day gradual learning and growing stronger in the spiritual life and virtues. Often it involves three steps back for every two forward, but with His help, we persist.

May He continue to guide and sustain you!

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Tausign said...

When I'm feeling spun around I try to get the focus off my issues and to spend more time focusing on God himself. In other words, when 'answers' seem distant, murky, or not what we expect, just set them aside for now and instead bath in God's goodness. This is a great form of 'detachment' (letting go of problems) when it's reserved for those times of uncertainty. Pax et bonum.

kam said...

Again I thank you all for your enlightening comments. A murky day becomes clearer at times with give and take.