I sometimes feel that I'm looking for answers where their are none, or, that that answer hasn't been revealed yet, or something. This especially happens when I'm stressed, when the work day is not right or my daylong prayer is broken and fractured, and time goes by and then I realize, Hey, what have I been doing? Nothing good, it seems. Ignoring our Lord, that's what I've been doing. Those times can make a day seem useless, not really useless, but the day can seem that way.
That was two days ago, and now it's the Feast of the Annunciation of Our Lord, and things look and feel a lot better. Dark funk clouds get a hold of me at times, it's like if I stray just a little bit to either side the dark funk swallows me up. Not a good thing, I'm not complaining about it, it just happens. I figure The Lord has a purpose for it, so I just let it go. I do wish I could hide when it happens though, everyone notices and that's what I hate the most. (Well not hate, really. Too strong a word.) I just silently praise the Lord for all he has given me, the glorious and the grey.
H and C are on their way to see the Rabbi, a wonderful old Rabbi who goes by that name, who holds mini spiritual retreats every Wednesday for basically non-Jews. H normally has to shuttle people to and fro from these events, but C only had a 1/2 day of school which lead to her going with H. Not without complaints, but she went. I sent her a text message saying to forget about yourself for two hours and enjoy the company of God.
She didn't text back, which means she's thinking about it.