Saturday, July 07, 2012

My miserable all...

I am kneeling at the kneeler here at the Adoration Chapel, very near our Lord.  I estimate He's about 5 feet away.  I am not worthy to be here, for so long a time, 2 hours.  I'm trying not to sit, but I know my legs won't make it.  I have the 5-7pm hours and the more Iv'e prayed about it and talked with others, perhaps returning to adore our Lord  every week at the same time is not necessarily a good thing.  Am I getting too used to coming here and has the whole Adoration for 2 hours become 'too common'?  For me, I think it has.  To be in front of God, it's just too overwhelming.  How can I act with reverence, week after week.  I know Pope Benedict has encouraged us to go to Adoration, but did he necessarily mean to open more 24 hour Adoration chapels, or just to attend a Holy Hour when one is given?  I love being in front of The Blessed Sacrament, but I feel that for two hours I cannot give our Lord, God, His due.  I am at odds with myself about this.  I refuse to allow God to just become another obligation in my day.  God is all, and He deserves my miserable all.

7 comments:

mary333 said...

Hi Kam,
It's okay if you feel like this. Can any of us really give the Lord His due? Are any of us worthy? He is the one working on us during Adoration. All He needs is our presence and trust. There's a lot going on beyond what our eyes see. Seriously.

When you are at Adoration do you really kneel for two hours? Ouch :)

kam said...

One hour and thirty minutes is the best I can do...

mary333 said...

That's better than I can do!

Do Not Be Anxious said...

I'm about to leave for my weekly two hours on Saturday nights. I have an hour another night also. And after weekday morning mass there is adoration, and I stay for 5 minutes to an hour.

I gained a whole new insight into adoration time when I attended a weekend retreat (one of his last) led by Fr. Benedict Groeschel. He certainly is a holy man who I respect.

The retreat BEGAN with adoration ... which continued for the 3 days. Each day, Fr. Groeschel sat in a chair near the altar, with the monstrance on it. That first day he said: "We are making this retreat, and I am speaking here, in the presence of God. The grace of His presence is with us. Let us be attentive to it."

In heaven I will be totally focused on God and feel and love His presence; on earth I have some moments. Other time I spend in His presence, I pray for His wisdom, His grace. And I read my Office or other spiritual writings. Or I feel His inspiration, and I write. Yes, I kneel often and give Him my focus, but often I settle back and let Him give me His.

Arthur Joseph said...

Dear Kam, a very humble post which moved my heart to reflect: Wow Kam in his struggle by being there is sure a comfort to Jesus in His struggle in the Garden! Sometimes the most loving and adoring gift we can give Him is to remain present in all our poverty.

With my blessing - Fr. Joseph

kam said...

Thank you all for your comments. I will be in the Chapel again today at 5:00pm for two hours. Do not get me wrong; I love our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament, it's just that with our situation at our Chapel, without an 'on site person' or even a 'close by person', the abuses that occur are horrible from anyones' perspective, not just mine. Too many to go into here, but the worst being is the reposing and exposing of the Blessed Sacrament by anybody! I have not the time right now to go into more detail, and quite frankly, I don't want to. Please pray for our small group who is trying to change the way the Chapel is run. Thanks. k

A Secular Franciscan said...

Two hours. Alas, I have a hard time with half an hour. But even a half an hour is better than not being there at all.