Thursday, September 24, 2009

The unexpected gift...

First, as you can see, I've changed some colors on the blog. I grew tired of the black, and it was beginning to make me uneasy, in a way. And I've come to love the browns and greys of the Franciscans, and, God willing, Oct. 7Th H and I will be professing together into the Seculars. A big day. As the time comes nearer I can sense an attitude adjustment taking place, believe me, with no will of my own. It can only be the Holy Spirit at work. I thought months ago I was ready then to profess and I was, but not in the same way I am now. The excitement of something new has passed; now the idea of the long haul has settled in and it is good. I know this is the right thing. But as all things that have to do with Our Lord God, as one door opens and you pass thru another appears, and you pray and pass thru into something different, and then the Spirit gets a hold of you and points you yet again. To me, that is part of the freedom of living with Christ, laying all your prayers, hopes, dreams, humbleness, humility at His feet, at His altar, at Himself, and letting go. When we can do that the eyes open, the heart is freed, the mind is tuned to Him. These are the small changes in my life that I try to do every day, to open my eyes, to free my heart. Some days the journey is smooth. Most days the road is rough. My job is a rough road at times, and I fail miserably at bring Jesus to the forefront there. That's usually my biggest regret at the end of the day; my failure to proclaim him to my brothers and sisters as I should. This last bit of a revelation came to me in the last 15 minutes or so of this afternoons Adoration, after Our Lord had lulled me into a strange state of, well, not prayer, and not sleeping, really, but it seemed I was in a tranquil state and then alert, tranquil state and then alert until the last few minutes when all the thoughts of the failures and how Francis must have felt when he chastised himself, when opportunities were missed even by him, moments lost by me. Every once in a while we're given a small insight by God, and I know I've missed 99% of them given me, but I think I felt a small one this afternoon. It was a small unexpected gift, a simple yet beautiful flower from a friend.

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