Friday, May 03, 2013

A decision made...

Sometimes there just isn't an easy way to write about things.  I haven't posted much in the last year or so, and to be honest, I'm not that good of a writer to just be pumping out the first thing that comes into my head.  Usually the first thing that comes out of my mouth is nonsense!  Through spiritual reading and prayer I've realized that I'm the type of person who, when the conversation begins to take on weight, I must slow down and keep my mouth closed, and my ears open.  I believe that, when we give ourselves more and more to God, to knock down that invisible wall that we sometimes put up between us and Him, that wall of control that we hate to give up, when we do what God asks and love Him completely, our lives will change with His flow of Grace.  I've found that it's too hard to live with that feeling that I must hold the reins.  There are certain things that, as a man, I must do.  I must follow the three precepts as a man must; God, Family, Duty. But in all the other aspects of my life, I'm done with putting myself out there, and for the sake of what?  The sake of the world?  No, this world holds no interest for me any longer.  A world that has forgotten completely and totally about God.  A world where man comes first in almost everything, and God is a distant last. In the last few years I've come to insulate myself by surrounding myself with like-minded people, devout Catholics who follow the old theology of the church, who attend and believe deeply in the Traditional Latin Mass and who try to put God first before everything.  A daunting task, that is at times.  And through all of this I've tried to live my life in the footsteps of our Lord Jesus Christ by following the path of ST. Francis as a Secular Franciscan.  Francis' complete devotion to Christ, his life of complete abandonment to our God has been a tremendous inspiration to me.  I cannot imagine myself as not a Franciscan.  And this brings me to this juncture in my life, to a place where, as a Catholic and a Franciscan I can go no longer.  I cannot remain as a 'Secular Franciscan'.  The Seculars follow a path that has been mapped out since after Vatican II and follows the Novus Ordo Mass and all the new theology that that Mass brings with it.  I, and H also, we are no longer there.  As of last fall, H and I have been on a one year leave of absence from our Fraternity.  At that final meeting I realized that the gulf between our ways of living the Franciscan Rule was too great.  The Rule of 1221, written and given to the brothers by Francis himself, is, I believe, the only way to live one's life as a Franciscan.  To the letter, to the letter, to the letter.  Francis' own words.  That way of Franciscan life is gone, washed away in this era of modernism and in a world that puts man first.  I informed our Minister to begin the process of withdrawal.  

  Where do we go from here?  Onward with our Journey to God.  For the past year and a half H and I  have been Novices again, as we begin this part of our lives as Third Order Franciscans.  We have joined an Association which focuses on living the Franciscan life by the Rule of 1221.  As members of a Latin Mass community it makes perfect sense to begin living and promoting our lives as the Third Order did before Vat.II.  We have started a Fraternity here.  We have members.  We have called to God, and He has heard us.  This world is a crazy, out of control place.  We must all find our way to God, for He calls and we must listen.


Do Not Be Anxious said...

I've read your words a number of times, kam. Many of them I could have written myself. I don't recognize this world anymore, from the one I grew up in, the one I loved. As you know, sometimes I pray that God would be merciful and take my mother peaceably home, and sometimes I wish the same for myself. I don't see anything I want here anymore. But then I recall the promise I made: "Not my will, but Thy will be done in me."

I don't know what plans God would have for me, but I will accept what they are. "Do what God asks and love Him completely," you wrote, but that can't include a dismissing of this world because it doesn't meet out approval. Jesus called Peter, and us, to love with a self-sacrificing love, as He did. It means to love our neighbor, as He did, even the sinners.

I don't know how I can make a difference in this world, but if you read my posts on Lenten learnings, I know I must. He'll show me the way, the way to love that neighbor, even the one I detest for what he does --- but I must recognize that WHAT he is, is not what he does. God made him what he is, and I must find a way to love him as God does. If only by my example, I will try to follow Jesus' example, and witness among those who seem not to know Him. It's what we are all called to do, in this New Evangelization of the Church.

I wish you well, always, my friend.

Nancy Shuman said...

I want to comment but scarcely know where to begin. You have written so much of my heart. I guess that says it as well as I can do: you have written so much of my heart.

May God bless you in your Franciscan vocation, and in all you do for Him. And thank you for this blog.

Arthur Joseph said...

My dear Brother in Christ: You and H are such a consolation and inspiration, true lights in the darkness and salt of the earth and I know Jesus, Mary, Joseph, St. Francis are smiling upon you, are with you.
You are a good and humble writer, advocates of truth, defenders of the faith, witnesses to the Gospel of Life, you give us all hope and be assured you are daily in my heart and prayer.

Fr. Joseph

Daily Grace said...

The song "Hosea" comes to mind as I read your words...the second lyric in particular...

The wilderness will lead you
to your heart where I will speak.
Integrity and justice,
With tenderness, you shall know.

God be with you both...