Thursday, August 16, 2012

Chapel, 5-7pm

It is so easy to fall into 'bad habits'.  What started as having a selection of music (Pandora) to having a better selection of music (Spotify), just wanting to have some chant and Sacred Music for easy access on the internet has turned into a music hoarding frenzy, with me finding music and artists from long ago and adding them to the Spotify playlist.  Not something I should be doing, wasting (yes, wasting!) time downloading all those old albums that pop into my head, making a list, etc, you know how it works.  Not really the thing I should be doing anytime.  And then I get a song stuck in my head, which is the worst.  All flow with God is gone.  My attempt at having 'one long prayer with God' is gone.  "Rose Darling" by Steely Dan.  A catchy tune for sure but with lyrics that now I find completely un-agreeable, although 30 something years ago I don't think I thought about those lyrics much.  Now, in this time of my life I do not need nor want the distraction.  Still, it only takes but a moment, and the desire for just a simple trip down memory lane can escalate into desires of the flesh that have no good in them. 
The desire of the wicked leads to doom.  How many times have I read that in the Liturgy of the Hours?  One need not necessarily be wicked to be lead to doom.  We strive and then we are set back, and sometimes we don't even know we have fallen.  St. Francis said something like 'The devil will pursue a soul forever, all he needs is a crack the size of a hair.'  It is impossible to keep satan out for it seems at times that we (me) offer him fistfuls of hair.  In this world, unless we are almost completely sheltered (cloistered) we are prone to the rage of the ocean, to be tossed by the waves.  Who can survive?  None, if we give in, give up. 
 
  Adoration, for me, as I've said before, is two hours, 5-7pm.  Our Lord pulls no punches with me, I really never know what to expect as I kneel before Him.  For many months the long stay with Him was troubled, for the peace that I thought I should find as He gazed at me was never there.  I felt at times that I'd walked up to a dark wall and stood, not being able to go any farther, not realizing that the wall I thought was the Face of God was really my own face.  I'd put myself, my pride, my thoughts of control between me and my God.  
  Prayer and reflection bring about these changes, the Holy Spirit, who hears us call, brings about these changes.  Our Virgin Mother's intercession helps bring about these changes, this tearing down of the wall of self that hinders our journey to God. 

           Salvation is only through the Cross,
 the Cross held firmly in our hands,
held tight with the arms
of our heart.

1 comment:

Father Richard said...

All I can say it how much I can relate. Encouraging to know I am not the only one who struggles with this.