Francis

Tonight is our Secular Frnciscan monthly meeting. I have the Omnibus, which I've just read, here at lunch. After the second opening, I read. And as it sometimes happens, something that is murky becomes crystal clear. Lately, for months, really, my spiritual life is, well, murky, for lack of a better word. I think I know what I'm looking for as I travel on the RB50, but then Bang! I'm shown what I've REALLY been looking for the whole time. A confirmation on something that was gnawing at me, a revalation that begins as a dot in the distance and becomes a freight train aiming right at me. Again, it happened with reading Francis. An affIrmation by the Friars becomes MY affirmation. The train has run me down again.

I've been trying to find the right words to convey what happened to me beginning with Lent, through Easter (I know, it's still Easter!) then The Jamaica Trip, next The Retreat and lastly out to Steubenville Ohio and a weekend at Franciscan University. All heady stuff. Well, don't expect anything more, if ever. I have no words for what Our Lord does, or The Father does. Lent was hard in some ways and a relief in others. I like Lent. I like the way it forces me inward, because most of the time I can't focus enough to do it on my own. From Palm Sunday until Easter Sunday I'm frightened and mesmerized at the same time. And then the Jamaican Trip. Being at St. Mary's Above Rocks was, to me living a true Franciscan life. Helping people, total strangers, really praying together, living simply. An experience that I reflect on often, wondering how I can incorporate that same charism into my every day life.
Our Lord is always asking us to come, follow Me, and we hear the call, not with the actual voice of Jesus but in the different events that sweep us in, events that God puts in our path. Sometimes we walk right by, oblivious to our Lord's calling. I was blessed, these past four or five weeks to hear the Quiet Whisper, to feel that wellspring of love rise in me and cut off my speech, stop me in my tracks, many times. Two and a half days of quiet solitude with the Maronite Monks of the Eucharistic Adoration slowed me right down, and turned me inward even more. And then for Heln and I to see my son Odin graduate from Franciscan University, well, that was one of the most proudest moments in my life. Just keep breaking out the tissues!
I didn't start out with much to say but I found a word or two. I'll end this by saying to just keep listening, Our Lord is constantly speaking to us, always showing us the way to him. We must watch and listen.

May 14th, St Mathias, Apostle

"What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see the misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men and women. That is what love looks like."

St. Augustine Of Hippo

I could not of said it better. God calls us all to follow in His Sons' footsteps, to be like His Son, to love like his son. Many times I find myself ignoring the sighs and sorrows of my fellow workers, people I work with every day, and even my own family! I can tell something is wrong but I'm hesitant, I say nothing. Lord, help me to see and react, to be that caring person, to my friends, family and especially to strangers. Please help me to open this stone cold heart...

Man guilt

So Mother's Day has come and gone and my feelings of inadequacy are right up there where they usually are; not feeling like I've done enough for anyone. When it comes to Holidays, Birthdays, anniversaries, you name it, I fail. For all that Our Lord has said about giving you'd think I'd at least have a clue. None. Whether or not I do anything or do nothing, I still feel guilty.
In a slight depression, if I think about it, and if not, it goes away. I think (I shouldn't!) I get caught up in outside issues and these events get in the way of clear thinking. Clear thinking to me is an unaltered path to God. I'm selfish, I admit. When my prayer life becomes interrupted I get cranky. So the events of the last few days have thrown me out of sinc a bit; too bad. As a Franciscan I must learn to be flexible, not static or rigid.

It's probably the head cold that's making me feel bloated and weird, and not anything else at all. Or the 9 hour ride back from Ohio and then the 3 1/2hrs. sleep Sunday night before work on Monday. No complaints! I know it's just the cold, they always knock me for a loop. And writing this all down is helping to wash these feelings away. (Also, I knew I should have steered clear of that doughnut!)

Many Issues...

Last night our Knights of Columbus council had its monthly dinner meeting, consisting of my K of C favorite; meat loaf, mashed potatoes, corn, salad and bread. Yum! And of course, coffee and our gallon of red wine. (2 glasses.) Our Grand Knight has been trying to get me to run for Grand Knight in the upcoming election. At the last meeting I reluctantly told him I'd think about it, more just to appease him (I really do like Herman. He's 93. Yes, 93.) Last night I told everyone no, I will not accept the nomination. But I did agree to Chancellor. (whatever that is. Looks like #3 man.) John H. and I both had to eat and run on account of the last choir rehearsal for the Confirmation Mass tonight. Sadly, it will be the last time we sing together for a while, since H and I only sing with the regular choir on special occasions. We sounded good, or rather Lida said we sounded good, which is all that matters.
Celena has another case of cellulitus(?) starting from an alleged bug bite. She's on meds but I still worry about her all the time. She's mature for her age, big and strong, but still so fragile. I've been praying for her constantly since I awoke; this mornings Rosary I dedicated to her. She goes to the doctor at 1:15.

I'm still trying to come to some type of inner understanding on what took place with me in Jamaica. To say it was a profound spiritual event is just using words that I don't deserve. This trip, this mission and what took place was for me, God showing me something, about myself, other people, my stone cold heart, I don't know. I'm still in the reflection mode. I know it was good. (Ha!, now that's a lame word!) It's almost like one has spent his or her life looking at something with one's head directed in a certain way; then something (the trip) or someone (God) or the combination reaches down and helps to turn the head. A new view has occurred, a new way of thinking emerges, something new from something old.

...more later...